India or Germany After 20 Years Abroad? Neeraj's NRI Dilemma
Neeraj left India for Germany in 2006 with a simple picture of success: education, a strong title, a big car, and enough money. He expected to stay only a few years. Two decades later, his definition of success has shifted to stability, mental peace, health, family, his daughter's future, and retirement. The difficult part is that both India and Germany now feel like home.
Related planning guides: If this question is part of your broader return plan, also review moving back to India from Canada guide and moving back to India checklist.
Short answer: why can he not choose between India and Germany?
India is Neeraj's janmabhoomi, the country of his birth, family, and early identity. Germany is his karmabhoomi, where he has spent his adult years, built a career, formed friendships, joined a sports club, and watched his daughter grow. Returning is therefore not a simple comparison of salaries or infrastructure. It means choosing between two real homes and two different forms of belonging.
Key Highlights
- Neeraj grew up in Patna and moved around India because of his father's transferable work, but he did not originally dream of living abroad.
- After studying mechanical engineering in Maharashtra, an older student working in England first made him consider an international path.
- His England visa application was rejected. He then discovered that higher education in Germany was tuition-free and connected Germany's automotive reputation with his engineering background.
- He arrived in Germany in 2006 and initially expected to study, work for two or three years, and return to India.
- Language, food, culture, loneliness, and building friendships were harder than obtaining the visa.
- Germany gradually became home because of transparent rules, a less hierarchical workplace, cleanliness, friendships, and work-life balance.
- At age 44, he now values stability, mental peace, health, family support, children's upbringing, career perspective, and retirement more than titles or cars.
- His daughter, career, friends, sports club, work culture, and daily comfort keep him anchored in Germany.
- His preferred retirement would connect both countries and let him spend meaningful time in India and Germany.
- His advice is to test India for two or three months and decide from current facts, not from a short holiday or an old memory of home.
Source and scope note
This article is based on Neeraj's June 2026 Desi Return interview and reflects his personal experience. His comments about education, healthcare, employment, and life in either country are not universal professional advice. Verify current immigration, tax, pension, insurance, school, and medical rules for your own family before making a move.
The central lesson: a return decision becomes harder when life abroad is no longer temporary. After 20 years, Neeraj is not comparing a foreign country with a remembered hometown. He is comparing one established life with another possible life, and each protects something the other cannot fully replace.
How did Neeraj move from Patna to Germany?
Neeraj describes himself as a very grounded boy from Patna. Because his father's work involved transfers, he experienced different parts of India, but living abroad was not an early ambition. Cricket was the stronger dream. He jokes that school mattered because it gave him a place to play.
His father encouraged him toward engineering, and Neeraj studied mechanical engineering in Maharashtra. In his third year, a senior he admired was working in England and suggested that Neeraj consider going abroad. That conversation introduced a possibility he had barely considered.
England did not work out. His visa was rejected, and the authorities did not give him a reason. Neeraj suspected that the funds in his bank account may have been insufficient, but he is clear that this was only his assumption. Rather than abandon the idea, he looked at other countries.
Germany stood out for two reasons: higher education was tuition-free, and its automotive and engineering reputation matched his mechanical background. Before leaving, he spent a short period in a Mumbai call center to earn money and improve his English, then worked for about five months at a small company in Pune. He arrived in Germany in 2006.
What was the hard reality of moving abroad?
Neeraj once assumed that obtaining the visa was the difficult part and success would follow automatically. His first months reversed that assumption. In his words, the visa was the easiest part of the wider transition, even though getting it was not easy.
Language
In 2006, he struggled to get answers in English even at the airport. Daily communication became the first major barrier.
Food
As a vegetarian from a Hindu Brahmin family, finding familiar food in a meat-heavy environment was difficult.
Culture
He moved from an Indian social environment with many people around him to a culture where individuals often organize life more independently.
Loneliness
He studied in a rural area with few Indians. After busy college hours, quiet evenings alone could feel deeply isolating.
Germany in 2026 feels different to him. There are more Indian students, restaurants, grocery stores, temples, spices, and English speakers. Those changes reduce friction for newcomers, but they do not remove the need to build language ability, friendships, and a life outside work.
Why did a two- or three-year plan become 20 years?
Neeraj's original plan was to finish his education, work for two or three years, and return. During and after his studies, however, Germany began to suit him.
He appreciated the cleanliness and transparent rules. He found that German colleagues could seem reserved initially but become warm once a relationship developed. The workplace also gave him a voice: a manager's opinion was not automatically treated as the only valid answer.
"When I'm in Germany, I miss India. And when I'm in India, I miss Germany."
The quote captures why the years accumulated. Germany stopped being only a place to study or earn. It became the location of his adult identity, achievements, routines, friendships, sport, and family life.
How did his definition of success change after 20 years?
In 2006, success meant a big title, a good car, and sufficient money. Neeraj thought moving abroad would deliver those things almost automatically. At 44, he uses a different scorecard.
- What kind of environment surrounds the family?
- How are the children growing up?
- What career perspective remains?
- Does the country feel like home?
- Is there stability and mental peace?
- What does health access look like?
- Can he reach and support family in India when needed?
- What kind of retirement can he build?
This is not a rejection of career or money. It is a shift from visible achievements to the systems and relationships that make a life sustainable.
Where does home feel like after two decades abroad?
Neeraj calls India his janmabhoomi and Germany his karmabhoomi. India holds his parents, family, birthplace, and early life. Germany holds roughly two decades of adult energy: work, friends, a sports club, success, and his daughter.
Travel does not settle the question. When he reaches India, he needs a day or two to adjust. When he returns to Germany, he needs another day or two to reset. He feels at home in both places and displaced from something important in either one.
He also warns against imagining that everyone in India will remain available after a return. Friends and relatives may make special time during a short annual visit. Stay longer, and ordinary Indian life resumes: offices, businesses, children, commutes, and personal responsibilities. The support network may still be valuable, but it will not operate like a permanent welcome party.
What is holding him back from moving to India?
Neeraj names several anchors rather than one decisive blocker.
His daughter
His German-Indian daughter is growing up in Germany. He wants to be present and watch her grow.
Working culture
He values protected weekends, personal time, employee voice, and the work-life balance he experiences in German companies.
Health and environment
He is comfortable with Germany's air quality and health system. He also recalls suffering from sinus problems in India.
Daily life
His friends, sports club, car, orderly roads, and established routines are part of his quality of life.
These are concrete switching costs. A return would not simply recover India; it would also require giving up parts of Germany that have become personal.
Why should NRIs test India before returning permanently?
Neeraj has watched friends return on emotion, begin comparing India with Germany, and then try to move back abroad. Visa and career constraints made that reversal difficult. His recommendation is to make the initial decision more carefully.
- List the decision factors. Include family, children, career, work culture, healthcare, air quality, traffic, finances, friends, food, and retirement.
- Assign personal importance. A factor that matters to another NRI may not matter to your household.
- Speak with people living the reality. Talk to friends and colleagues currently working in the Indian city and industry you are considering.
- Take a two- or three-month trial. Live an ordinary schedule rather than a holiday schedule.
- Compare the present, not the past. India after 20 years may not match the India you left, and Germany may not match your first difficult year.
- Protect reversibility. Understand what happens to visas, employment, housing, banking, insurance, and schooling if the move does not work.
For a structured version of this process, use the NRI moving back to India checklist and planner guide.
What did he say about children, health, and mental peace?
In a rapid comparison, Neeraj chose Germany for raising children in an average household because he values public education, medical care, and state support. He added an important qualification: families with substantial resources may be able to create an equally strong or better environment in India.
For quality of life around age 50, he again leaned toward Germany from a medical-system perspective. This view is shaped by a painful personal experience. His father developed cancer and died in the previous year, and Neeraj found hospital access in India difficult even when the family was prepared to pay. That is one family's experience, not a national healthcare comparison.
He immediately identifies the counterweight: loneliness. A strong hospital system cannot replace a person who will sit with you. His question is whether you want the strongest system available to you, the closest people around you, or a realistic combination of both.
He refuses to rank mental peace by country. Germany may be quieter, but mental peace depends on relationships, health, work, children, and personal circumstances. A quiet country can still feel lonely; a busy country can still feel emotionally secure.
Could retirement include both India and Germany?
Neeraj's ideal retirement is not a final victory for one country. He wants to spend time in both and, if possible, do something that connects India and Germany.
That aspiration still needs practical design. A two-country retirement can affect residence rights, tax residency, health insurance, pension access, housing, caregiving, and the number of days spent in each country. The interview does not provide a legal or financial blueprint, but it reveals the goal clearly: he does not want retirement to erase either half of home.
What should future returnees learn from Neeraj's story?
Ask why you need to go abroad
Identify the education, experience, career, or life opportunity that is genuinely unavailable at home. Currency conversion alone is not a complete reason because expenses also follow the destination currency.
Give the temporary plan a review date
"Two or three years" can become 20 unless the household deliberately reviews the plan. A plan can change, but it should not disappear unnoticed.
Do not romanticize either country
Germany includes language barriers and loneliness as well as order and balance. India includes family and energy as well as traffic, air-quality concerns, busy schedules, and uneven systems.
Use current evidence
Compare real jobs, schools, healthcare access, housing, commutes, and family availability in the place you would actually live.
Keep the decision reversible where possible
Before moving, understand which visas, jobs, accounts, insurance arrangements, and school options would be difficult to recover.
Correct a wrong direction early
Neeraj's final advice is not to stay trapped by a decision. If evidence shows that the direction is wrong, change it before time makes the return path harder.
Frequently asked questions
Why has Neeraj not moved back to India after 20 years in Germany?
There is no single obstacle. His daughter is growing up in Germany, and he values German work-life balance, working culture, environment, healthcare system, friends, sports club, career, and daily routines. India remains home because his family and roots are there. His ideal long-term outcome is to remain connected to both countries.
What should NRIs compare before returning to India from Germany?
Compare family needs, children's upbringing, career prospects, work culture, healthcare, air quality, traffic, social support, finances, and whether the destination feels like home. Speak with people currently living and working in the Indian city you are considering.
Should an NRI test life in India before moving permanently?
Neeraj recommends a two- or three-month trial. A brief holiday can be misleading because friends and family make special time for you. A longer stay reveals ordinary work schedules, traffic, health access, family availability, and the India that exists now.
Is Germany or India better for raising children?
Neeraj personally chooses Germany for an average household because of public schooling, medical care, and government support. He also says families with substantial resources can create an equally strong or better environment in India. The right answer depends on the household.
What does Neeraj wish he had done differently after moving abroad?
He wishes he had maintained a clearer timeline. His plan was to study, work for two or three years, and return around 2011. His advice is to define what you need from life abroad, account for destination-country expenses, create a plan, and review it rather than letting a temporary stay become permanent by default.
Trying to decide between a settled life abroad and a return to India?
Build the decision around current evidence: family, children, career, health, finances, social support, trial stays, reversibility, and the life you want over the next decade.
This is most useful when both countries feel like home and the decision cannot be reduced to salary, nostalgia, or one difficult visit.