Watch: Moving Back to India with a Middle Schooler After 10 Years in US

3:34 Journey and overall experience in

3:37 Abroad? Yeah. So as a young couple we had a couple of goals. you know that time we wanted to travel a lot. We wanted to save some money because you know we purchased a flat in Bangalore that time and it was on loan. So of course financial situation was also tight. So the these were the two goals that we wanted to you know meet and initially the plan was to go there and stay there for 3 years and you know save some money travel as much as we could. so we were super excited when we landed there and started our new life and soon after landing there I received my credential to teach there I got credential to teach up to 12th grade and up to you know calculus and slowly I realized there was a huge demand for math and science teachers there. So I got a job also very quickly in a high school in South Bay and we were you know having good time were able to save a lot of money and we were able to pay off our loan also that

4:38 We thought would take you know two to three years were was paid off in one year I was able to call in my parents as well and you know my parents and my husband's parents we were able to you know show them the good part of the US as well. So it was fun for us initially. We enjoyed a lot and you know having good time with you know everything that was coming our way and making sure that you know whatever good stuff we are getting from there we are incorporating in our lives and yeah great so sounds like I think the

5:11 Life is good so you you're able to you know get the job quickly and you know South Bay I think the schools are good there Cupertino I mean they are known for their you know good schools. So so why the thought of India occurred and when it occurred so if you can shed some light I think that I know initial plan was 3 years but I think you know eventually it became 10 years so just curious I think what changed and yeah right right so we were just going with the flow and since you know I was also employed and enjoying my job and but I think the the plan to come back started to come into our minds because of a few frustrations that we you know felt over the years. of course, immigration was a big issue and during the co my grandmother expired and when she passed away it was I tried my best to come and because my you know dad was the oldest one in the family he was going to do all the rituals and you know I wanted to be with him during that time and we tried everything we could but it

6:12 Was impossible for me to come here because there was no appointments to you know go back. If I came here, I would have been, you know, stuck here with leaving my family, my husband and two young kids there. And my husband, you know, tried his best to even get appointments in nearby countries like Singapore and some other places as well. But there was no availability. And that was the time you know it started to hit us and a couple of other frustrations from work and you know some cultural shocks and we were you know questioning our lives and we were thinking if we really wanted wanted to raise our kids there or you know we want to give them the opportunity to see how it's going to be in the other part of the world as well. And that's why we decided to it was a quick decision. we just decided within two months and you know wrapped up everything, sold our home, sold our cars and you know resigned from our jobs and came back. So I'll go in details of those frustrations as well but yeah

7:13 So when you decided to move like maybe I know you mentioned about I think it was very quick and decision and all that stuff. So maybe can you talk a little bit about your professional career changes like you know are you back into schooling here in India or you know your husband back I mean anything that you can share from a career change. Yeah. So, I still remember my husband's parents were there. my in-laws were there and we were having good time with them. And after they left, we again, you know, that kind of void start to sink in again. it was January 2023. and we were sitting with one of our friends and they were you know missing Hyderabad. They both were they both were from Hyderabad and they were you know talking about all small things and we we told them you know when we came we were thinking about three years and you know here we are almost 10 years and they were they both work in Google and you know they were missing it and you know and we both me and my husband started to get into a discussion. We financially why are they suffering? Why

8:22 They you know miss their friends and whatn not why are they suffering if they have everything do we want to spend rest of our lives thinking about this and you know kind of being on the two boats no we don't why do we need to by that time we had traveled everything multiple times you know you talk about US Canada Mexico because these were the three countries easier you know these these were the places easy to access and if you go to Europe or you come to India it's very difficult such long flight with kids you have to go through visa every time and since if you are on H1 you have to you know get the visa stamped most of the times so and those appointments were not easy after covid even until now it's not very easy to get the appointments so those things were started to sink in and we were like why are we struggling now you know we had two goals we wanted to travel and we wanted to save some money both of them have we have achieved Now what is the

9:22 Point? We are frustrated with the schooling system. I was frustrated with the kind of you know racism I had seen there. Fortunately my husband was in tech job. So for him the you know most of his colleagues were from Asia. So there was no racism there and and the you know norms are very strict where you cannot even think about doing any such things. But picture was very different with my workplace where barely was any you know Asian teachers involved and I was able to see you know racism against me or against other Asian students day in and day out and I was very you know depressed with that. I had to go for therapy for quite some time and we were thinking you know why are we you know struggling with this we have you know financially we are fine now we can have a good life if we go back then why not. So the it was January when my in-laws left and in February we started to you know give a thought on these discussions and then we got to

10:23 Know about the SS benefits. We thought okay we might have to complete this 10th year and then we realized okay you know those SS points were already in for 10th year and then we were like okay there is no motivation to stay and you know continue another year there and we were like by March we were we decided that we are wrapping up everything. so in within 2 months we sold the house, sold our cars, my husband resigned from his job, I resigned from my job. and before I was leaving I got the I got a contract work with the so there is this position called instructional designer. Mostly teachers transition into that profession and especially if I had completed my masters also there. So it was very easy for me to transition. So this job is available in most tech companies. So I accepted that contract job asking them if it's okay if you know during this time if I move to India will you be okay and they you know agreed to that I accepted it and we moved back to India.

11:25 After wrapping up that school year, I think a few days were still left but since the new school year was starting here in May, so we moved in in May and we are you know it it it definitely took some time for us to settle down for kids to settle down but you know right now if you ask me if I ever want to go back the answer is a simple no. Got it. And your husband also is back in the career side now after the move. Yeah.

11:54 Yeah. So, initially you know when we moved we were in the mood of you know taking a break or or do either do fire or you know take a break at least for good enough time. So when he wrapped up everything and he came back after us he had to you know wrap up a couple of things there. So when he came back he took a break of 2 months and then he started to get job offer sitting at home without you know applying anywhere. and the offers were so good were difficult to say no to you know in terms of finances and in terms of the you know I know so many people were just start cursing about the work culture here it's like you know you have to work so hard and whatn not but fortunately me and my husband we both are blessed we don't see that kind of culture at all in fact it's very convenient we work certain hours we take breaks in between we go out for lunch you know there are no such issues So anyways, we took a break for quite some time. I took a break of 6

12:57 Months and he could take only for 3 months and the job offers were just so good that he couldn't reject them and he you know went back into corporate and and another thing was that you know during that time of course we were focusing on our health. We had a personal trainer. I was doing I was attending yoga classes. We got house help also you know for 10 years. No matter if you are a CEO, you are washing dishes, they are cleaning the house every day. And with two young kids, it becomes very difficult. And we had a when we bought the house there in the East Bay, it was a big house. So, taking care of that was not easy. So, we both were mostly frustrated because my husband is like he wants everything to be super duper cleaned every day. And he would and he was hands-on as well. He would do everything but then at the same time he would be super strict with everybody else in the home to make sure that they are not making any kind of mess and with kids you cannot you cannot control it. My my son was newborn that time. He was like just a few years

13:57 Old when we left US. So anyway so all that we took a good enough break and then we felt like okay you know we have all the help we are able to focus on our health kids are settled in school now then why not we can work. So we are young we both can you know continue to work. So he accepted the the the job offer and went back to you know into it and fortunately during that time it was completely work from home and right now it's only two days twice a week office and for me it's full-time work from home job and I am an instructional designer. I'm and I'm working for Cisco here and it's a full-time work from home job. I'm able to you know focus on home focus on my kids I spend enough time with them and there it was very challenging you know with with job with the you know doing all the household chores cooking three meals you know we don't eat those frozen meals every day we don't like that so it takes a lot of time and then cleaning after that so we are able to

14:59 Save all that time and investing it into our kids and you know family and after coming back since we were very much into travel I feel like my kids also learn a lot when we are giving them this opportunity to travel to different countries. after coming back we are able to travel to many different countries here also. We went to like in just last one and a half years we were able to go to Dubai twice. We went to Fuket. We just came back from Mauritius last week because summer break started here. We went to Maldives and we have many more you know plans because it's very easy access to all these countries. You don't have to worry about to come back to India. How will you come back to India and whatnot. So those horizons kind of open up for us and we are enjoying the life to fullest. Makes sense. Now thanks a lot for sharing that. And one takeaway point in addition to what you said was the work

15:50 Life balance. I know people have a different experience but your experience has been great. I think even for you and for your husband. Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about the kids. I think your elder one was maybe age 12 or 13 at the time of the move. So I think she's like in a middle schooler, right? So how did she cope up with the transition and I think you kind of gave an indication that you have prepped for like know two years you know with Hindi and other stuff but one question is adaptation what curriculum that you have selected for for your kids. let's I think maybe dwell into that a little bit. Yeah. So I you know since we were going to do this interview today I sat down with her today morning and I asked her all these questions to make sure you know we are on the same page.

16:35 So of course initially it was challenging for her you know as everyone says the earlier you move it's better for the kids. My son who was five at the time had absolutely no issues at all and he was super happy right after landing here. The entire community he roams around. He has you know friends on in every we live in a villa community. He has friends in you know all the all the villa streets we have here and big gang you know that he has and there he only had one friend. We had a you know Malali family and we were very close to them and you know the the boys were together the girls my daughter and her their daughter was together and we were very good friends but just one one friend we had on the street and here he has a whole gang he would he can get out anytime and play and he's super happy here. he doesn't miss you know us at all. but then of course for my daughter who was at the time she was 12 as you said and she was a bit upset she was you know she cried for a couple of

17:37 Days when she we told her that we are moving because of the friend circle. So you know slowly I realized initially I was thinking maybe you know she's leaving a country and that's why she's upset and you know it's finding it challenging to you know just because she was only two when we left India so she had absolutely no exposure at all and it took her a few months until she made friends at school. She was introvert as well. She wouldn't make friends easily. so until she made friends at school which which took about 6 months and after that she was well settled had absolutely no issues at all and now she enjoys her time at school but initially of course it was challenging. She was missing her best friend from US. She was missing her school her teachers and you know the the the freedom that they had outside you know going on scooters and whatnot.

18:28 So she didn't have the company and and slowly I realized it was all because of the friend circle that she lost. She doesn't miss us but she does miss the friends. now when she made friends here it she I mean right now if we you know we plan about her future we tell her maybe you know you want to do your undergrad in US and she says you know what special is there mama that is not here. So I mean if you have a give them good life safe life good they go to good schools and you know make friends it's and you know because maybe you know the population contributes in this way that it's the human interaction is a lot here even if you don't go to see your friends you have your house coming in you have your neighbors passing by saying hi to you you know so so and and in even the community events there we had to put effort because we were very much into it we wouldn't celebrate everything just that was there in our culture but everywhere around the India whatever you c like data was not our festival you know many other you know

19:29 South Indian festivals that we never celebrated before when we were in India we were doing it there so that our kids could recognize the culture and you know experience it you have you have to put so much efforts to you know get those Indians out from their homes and you know be involved but here you don't do anything you know absolutely you don't have to do anything but you will be pulled into you know these celebrations s almost every weekend and they and especially you know being in cities like Bangalore, Hyderabad and that are now cosmopolitan they you get to experience everything you know all kinds of culture that you have in different states of India they are able to they are being pulled into everything and experiencing that which is amazing. Yes. And what curriculum did you put your kids in? -huh. Yeah. So, since I was very

20:17 Frustrated with the STEM education there, my focus was STEM education. So, I did research some research and I reached out to a few friends from you know my bachelor days because you know I did my beard also. So there are I I know many teachers too. So I did reach out to them and I started to understand the focus of each and every you know curriculum. So we we of course had option for IB and then IGCSC and then CBSC and then there were there was another ICE. So I could yeah understand the difference between the focus of these curriculums and I wanted to make sure since my daughter was doing well in math. I don't know if she's going to get into tech. I don't know if she's going to do anything in future. But she needs to be challenged.

21:04 And I feel like if you are good in you know STEM your brain is you know exploring a lot more you are you know exercising so many muscles more than you know if you are not getting yourself into these puzzles these you know math questions. So it's very important for this age. So my focus was just that and that's why I op opted for CBSC for my kids. because I feel like you know math and science education that you get the curriculum that you get in CBSC is amazing and that's what we were looking for. I know if we would have opted for some international curriculum they would feel better in terms of friend circle because so many you know kids come back from US. My daughter was you know she told me today also that I have three IB friends in the bus that I come back in and they all you know came back from US in last two years only. So of course you will get that kind of friend circle if you go for IB or other international curriculum. but our focus was to you

22:04 Know focus on STEM education which was amazing in CBSC. So we opted for that. And another thing that you know I don't know if many people know or not or you know they feel like if you do IB it's very easy for you to do undergrad you know internationally later and if you are in CBSC it's not but it's not true actually I I know many friends their kids have done you know CBSC curriculum and they were able to do their undergradu you know some are in US I know a couple of friends kids who are in you know European countries as well and doing their undergrad and than their masters as well. So it's not it's definitely not a hurdle for sure. but timelines are of course different like you know IB curriculum goes with the US calendar year and CBSC you know you wrap up in in different states it's follow differently but yeah in like in Bangalore it's wrapped up in March max by April and then you have the summer

23:04 Break but if you go for IB it's from August to August like u in in US and what about the languages like in Canada and just a curious on that part especially for middle school KT Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you asked this question actually because I have seen so many of our friends who are you know debating coming back and they feel like oh you know our kids are in so and so grade now how will they manage Canada or the local language that you know being taught in different states there. So I realized after coming back that my daughter was going into seventh grade that time. So of course we we are we don't speak Canada and we have absolutely no exposure to it. So I couldn't help her with that as well. So we realized that they were not teaching her seventh grade Canada at all but they are teaching her first grade Canada when it's actually introduced and I was like maybe you know we got lucky and the school is doing that but later I realized it's a norm from government whenever somebody moves to Bangalore

24:06 For example let's say somebody is moving here from Delhi and their kids have completed 8th grade there now let's say sixth grade in seventh grade they cannot do you know seventh grade Canada here it's going to be unfair to them So it's a norm there. Whatever grade they move, they have to start from first grade, next year second grade, next year third grade. So she was being taught letters and you know easy questions only and we there was no pressure from home, no pressure from school that you have to have A's in you know so and so subject. So we were just you know telling her you do what you whatever is your best and and just leave it there. It's okay. we know that you are you know being introduced to two Indian languages right now at the same time. Same was for my son as well Hindi and Canada both. So she had to manage for seventh and eighth grade and it's now in 9th grade Canada is not mandatory at least until now. So now she's just doing Hindi and English. But whenever she have had to do it, it was not very

25:08 Forced or it was not very challenging. Even the question paper had so many multiplechoice questions where they could do something at least even if you know they could not recognize all four options if they understand two they could still you know somehow manage to pass. So which was good enough for us. We were not you know kind of parents where we would tell them oh you have to have a plus in each and every subject. So we were open for that and they tried their best and had you know no problems managing with that. Got it. Thank you. So is there any topic that we haven't covered or any advice that you would

25:41 Give to you know future aspirants who are thinking about moving to India? yeah I I think I just want to tell everyone that you only get one life. Please don't you know rush after things that are not your that are not in your you know wish list but just because you know it's seen highly that you know someone went to US and doing job earning good money and whatn not you see what you want to achieve in your life and what makes you happy focus on your happiness and I would say you know maybe you know some people will not like it but prioritize your happiness and you know leave the kids on their fate. We are providing them whatever we can. Don't think that you know if I'll go back to India my kids will have less opportunities and won't get this and that. You know where our parents were and where we come from. We worked very hard and we got where you know which might be dream for many but then did

26:43 That make us happy? We wanted to come back. So you know we fulfilled our wish and so so just see what you want for yourself instead of you know running around the bushes and thinking what my parents would think what my relatives would think maybe you know they would think I was fired from my job and what not because I have heard these stories from our friends. So just I think we focused on what we wanted and and there is no you know nothing puts an end to you know if if like if you are planning to come back and then you decide on that decision nobody is keeping you stuck here. If you are not feeling comfortable you can always go back you will get more opportunities in life or your kids can go back you know if they would like. So nothing ends anywhere but if you want to you know move with something that makes you happy if or if you know you feel like this is the age of your parents you need to be there you should be there instead of regretting for rest of your life why not you know fulfill your wish what is stopping nothing yes for sure I mean I think what makes you happy and just do it for what you

27:44 What you enjoy yes we have like some kind of like rapid fire questions you know I would love to hear your thoughts I mean I think keep it as short

27:53 As you can. So I think you know we'll get most of it. So how do you prepare kids mentally before the move? I think we we we gave them less time because as I said the decision was made within 2 months. I think we would have told them a year in advance would have helped them a lot to you know wrap up their friend circle and say goodbyes properly and be mentally prepared for you know if you are coming especially when they are you know teenagers. Yeah. And what's one thing you wish you knew before moving to India? I I think we made some decisions in hurry like you know we bought the house without moving here. We saw it online and we finalized it. So the home is great but we couldn't see the area. It's still developing. It's like you know in in one of the corners of Bangalore. So I would say just take a wise decision. Do full research. things are of course we you know there

28:53 Are pros and cons everywhere. Everything is not super duper transparent here as well. So you have to make sure that you are doing your true research for everything and then making your decisions. Got it. And what's the hardest part about schooling NRI kids like you know kids who moved from abroad? I think it's a overhyped question. It's it shouldn't be you know phrased this way because nothing is difficult for these kids. They are very adaptive. You will be surprised to see how quickly they adapt and they they love to you know explore new things, new challenges. And I asked my daughter today morning also do you think that CBSC curriculum is hard for you? And she said no curriculum is not hard but it's the social structure that we come back and adopt to a curriculum is you know is is not at all challenging.

29:43 Got it. So yeah, thanks a lot Miss Diva for taking the time and having a very candid conversation about your experiences especially in the school system in US and you know some of the experience from the work side and the things that you have to stand up for and how you decided to move back and you know how the kids settled the family settled and so on. So much of insights and very candid conversations. So really appreciate you taking the time and sharing your journey with us. Thank you so much for having me today, Ainash. I'm I will be super happy if this can help you know anyone make their decision. For sure. I mean I think it definitely provides lot of insights for families to consider and definitely I I I feel it would be very valuable for people who are thinking about moving to India. Thank you so much Ain. Thanks.