Watch: We Moved Back to India, Then Returned to the US

3:15 But I mean I continued this like for like close to 3 years as I said and then eventually we moved back to US in 2012. Got it. So >> And Yeah. Go ahead. I know you did not ask this but I want to drive this point. But my plan is to move back to India in 6 years when my son goes to college because I I have two kids now and my once my second one goes to college there's nothing for me to do in San Jose here. So I And India has changed so much in the past 14 years. I mean just we since we came back, right? So I can clearly see that like and I think just I mean more than even the superficial things like I mean cleaning I mean the house help or like the delivery stuff.

4:01 I feel now it's in the long term it this might be a better condition for me. So, I'm strongly thinking of moving back to India once my son finish goes to college which is in another 6 years. Yeah. Now, thanks for sharing that. I know you covered most of them like you know a little big picture. Let's dive into the individual ones. So, how was

4:21 The life initially like I think when you moved in 2000 like you know for the first 6 7 years and then why the idea like I know you were hesitant. Let's talk through about the decision process that went I mean I think this is a key one especially when you are not so keen and your husband at the time was you know keen on moving. So, let's talk through the decision process there and how you decided as a family to move back. Yes, sure. So, that's the other part I wanted to tell. I have seen in many forums including SOS Global on Facebook that typically guys would post saying that hey, I want to move back to India but my wife is hesitant and then bunch of folks would bounce on saying like hey, women are always this this I mean there is a reason why actually women doesn't want to move back to India.

5:08 Think about it, right? Like we do everything here like laundry, cooking, cleaning. I mean my house help is supposed to come once in 2 weeks. And she's gone down. She's gone to Mexico for some personal reason and I don't know when she's going to be back. Of course, in India it happens but then there would be somebody else on the road when whom my mom is going to call and they will take care of that. That's not the case here for women. Women women who work do more than double duty India. It's a multiple fold like one, how the society looks at women in general.

5:55 Two, the norms, the expectations at home, like how like the thing is the moment somebody is here, right? Whether they came in as a student in F1 or they came on a different visa and H4, it doesn't matter like the kind of freedom you get it's by freedom I don't mean like like partying or something. Like for instance when I mean I was a new mom the expectation was everybody in the house has to eat first and then I have to eat. I came here and I ate there like most of the time I used to stand in the kitchen and eat. That's how my life was always. So those things are it's it's not that easy to adapt at the age of 28, 29, 30. And that is the reason why women doesn't want to move.

6:43 So having said all these things, I just have one point to drive in this video. Whether it's a man or a woman just make sure both of you guys are on the same page if you want to move back to India or even if you're going to move back to any other country. Yeah. Cuz imagine like this is an adult. You cannot drag that person across the world into another country like whether it's a known place or an unknown place without their I mean consent. It's not going to work. You cannot start a relationship or you cannot build a relationship on a compromise. Sure like at some point of like just like how I did, many women do it.

7:29 For many people it works out and some it doesn't work out and they come back. But once that wound is created, right? It's really hard to heal. So that's something which I want to drive home. I mean whether it is a husband or a wife, it doesn't matter. I'm not taking sides. Just make sure like you guys are on the same page before taking this big decision because this is a big big decision. Everything is going to change. Like for instance, I mean I was here in a rental apartment for about 7 years before I moved back. And most of them were like I mean rent managed rental properties. Some were managed by individual owners. Renting in US was so much so different than renting in India. It's like the the folks did not care. I know even here I had issues with my rental property manager.

8:19 But then like it was a whole different story, of course. We have never rented in India, so that's probably that was part of the problem. So there are so many small small things small so many nuances that has to be taken care of. But of course like today 2026, everybody has great tools like what I'm talking about is 2009, right? Like internet was at you can call it as an infancy compared to where it is today. So people can do the research. So do your research. First point is yes, I mean make sure you guys are on the same page. Do do a lot of research. So starting from the houses you're going to be in. Probably if it is going to it's worth the money to even go look out for places and then come back. Personally, that's the advice I would give for people who are moving. Definitely. I

9:10 Mean I completely agree that both the spouses has to be on the same page before making this big decision to move into any any other country, right? So maybe let's I think understand a little bit about in your background. Like were you working in the IT at the time of the move and and like I know you mentioned about like you are not so keen, but like it was a decision as a family where you have to compromise and then made the move. is that the decision that happened? Okay. Let's talk a little bit about the planning, right? I think you know, how did you guys decide about where to move? You know, in the career planning and all that stuff. Like if you can talk about it, that would be great. Yeah, sure. So, when we moved, we moved to Bangalore initially because his company had an office in Bangalore. So, he got an internal transfer.

9:58 And that was a very small team when he when we moved. Also, like I mean again, Bangalore looked very enticing at that time, right? It was up and coming, right? And again, when I moved, my son was just 6 months 6 months close to 6 months. So, I wanted to take a break for a little bit and not put him in the daycare right away. So, I That's one of the reasons I accidentally agreed to move because I know in US like at the time I was on H1. So, switching back to H4 and then going back and forth, it was not easy land. The economy has just crashed. So, I can I can't even imagine. This was 2009 crash. So, irrespective, right? When I I mean Basically, yeah, when we moved back, we moved to Bangalore initially. It was The first few months were okay, but then when I I found a job and when my son was like 8 months or so.

10:56 I I And we lived in Marathahalli. Like the job was at the other end of the city. I had no idea how to commute. Like there's no way that you could go through this watering road and then get get there. So, it's like Once we Once that I mean initial thing goes down, like the excitement goes down, right? You see the practical I mean issues. Like and we were in Bangalore, my parents were in Chennai, his parents were in Chennai. They cannot They were not able to move permanently. They were going back and forth. I mean going traveling from Chennai to Bangalore is not as bad as Now, now they are traveling to Bay Area, so it's like but still I mean at that time with a 6-month old baby I mean those things were challenging, so eventually we moved back to Chennai.

11:44 Got it. And I I joined in Chennai IBM, so I was there for about close to 3 years. And yeah, it's we eventually moved back in 2012. And so how was the life? Like I know you mentioned about some of the practical challenges in Bangalore with the traffic

12:04 And all that stuff, and so overall if you have to summarize the experience in 3 years and like how was it living in India at that time? Okay, I'm going to start with pros first. To start with, yeah, my I mean because we were in Chennai at that time my parents used to take care of my son and who was a baby at that time. Well, I mean Monday to Friday and then they used to go back to their homes in the weekends. So I mean again, it was busy. It was extremely busy with I mean with his parents also being in Chennai, so going back and forth. But one I mean unfortunate thing that happened in Chennai when I was there was my aunt fell sick. I was with her. I spent with so much time with her like before that my entire life I wouldn't have spent that kind of a time with her.

12:56 She was better then, so I mean I had that opportunity and I don't think I would have ever had that kind of an opportunity if I had been in US obviously. So and around that around that time yeah, there were other things happening in my personal life which was actually very I I mean it did not go in the right direction. And the same aunt was the one who encouraged me to go back to US at that time. But eventually she passed away in 2011 and yeah, we moved back in 2012. Middle middle of 2012. So, that was one advantage for sure. But, with respect to like the challenges, right? It was it was pretty hard to adjust even to the work environment.

13:42 I'm not saying like US work is all I mean, there were there are a lot of But, then seeing a being looked at as a professional is very different from being looked at as a woman. How much ever technical you are, it was I had to go to war sometimes to prove myself, which I know that I I was right. Yeah. So, things like that. I mean, like it was not easy so for sure and apart from the superficial things like I mean, traffic, pollution and all those things, those could be handled versus your day-to-day how you are being treated as a person, how you are being treated as a professional, as a mom, wife. I think that was that played a big role in becoming back.

14:35 Got it. And after that, in general, I would say like yeah, there the were the pros was family time. Like how I said with my with my family member who was sick and of course when my son was an infant. So, he he started daycare when he was probably three three and a half. until then he he was at home actually three two and a three and a half four he would have done kindergarten, but then before we he did kindergarten, we we came back here. Cool. So, it's something on the personal and I think you know, it's you and then you know, it's the overall experience as a professional and then the personal I think that made the decision to move back to US.

15:18 So where did you guys move to? Like you know, to like in the same like Boston or some other place like I think in the change in terms of the career and how did that plan? No, actually we moved to Austin because again he was in a different company at that time and they had an office in Austin so he got a visa transfer internal transfer but I came here and I found a job. It was a remote job. I mean luckily at that time again it worked out so in 2012 of course the remote job is not that common it's not like today so again remote versus on site there are pros and cons but then yeah I've been on remote job since 2012 literally and that definitely eased the move back to US again my kid need not have to go back to I mean daycare right he was he started school but then after that I used to pick him up around 5:00 I come back from home come back and work so it was only the drive time was there.

16:18 And after a year or so we moved to Bay Area so right now I'm in Bay Area. Got it. And then I think while moving back

16:26 In terms of the decision I think as we were talking earlier right both bosses to be on the same page and all that stuff like I know you mentioned I think it was it like a mutual decision to move back at the time what was realized that I was really miserable and it's not going to I mean work out in the long term and that's the reason we And again he his move was much simpler than my move because it it was again in same team same I mean transfer I had to I put out my papers here there and then I came and I looked for a job. I got in the same company but then it was a contracting job it just so happened that I got in the same company. Okay, got it. so I know you mentioned like earlier in our discussion that I think once you were younger son you goes to college you're thinking about moving to India. I mean see someone who has this kind of experience you know and which made that made you to move back.

17:20 Just wondering like what changed or why this thought of moving back to India is still on the on the mind. Okay, two things. One, this is super personal to me, but that may be applicable for the viewers of this video. I'm divorced right now. once my kids go to college, right? My older one will be in college in a year. The younger one would be college in 6 years. So, I don't have anything to do here in Dallas. So, I'm going to be on my myself. And yeah, I have an extended family in India, so I go there almost every year, and my brothers are like they don't see it. They said why I should be here, which I agree to. And also like I realized like as you get older like the just the household and I mean, other things such there it might be much easier here. I I know I mean, my older women who are here by themselves.

18:14 And they are here by themselves because they have the security the safety net of their social circle. I do have friends here, but they are friends, right? Everybody has their own life. Yes. >> So, versus like I I feel that going back to India would be a good decision for me in the long term.

18:39 Yeah, I I know But unlike earlier like now I have was clear that my way of planning. And the other thing is India has changed so much. Even with respect to just office culture, right? Going back to how it was in 2012. There are a lot, lot more women in workforce today. I mean, I I can see it is just amazing and it is so nice to see that. I mean, just hearing from my friends who are there, I mean, when I go there, when I talk to my friends' daughters, it is so refreshing to see there. I mean, I'm not saying it's again all rosy today. Now, my planning for the next few years is much well in foundation. Could be because it came from my own initiative.

19:25 And also what people can expect today is definitely different. I mean, the traffic is worse. I don't know what for. The pollution is worse. But apart from the the traffic and pollution and stuff, I think there are other things that has definitely improved in India. I mean, come on, you're going to get something in 15 minutes. So, there are so many blanket vehicles on the road. So, it's a compromise of what you want versus I mean, inside your house versus what's outside, right? Like we are traffic. Traffic is not something external. We create the traffic. yeah, once I I think those hump is passed like after few years of adjusting, I think people should be okay as if as I said earlier, like if you decide this as a family, if there is harmony as you move the decision, and if you plan well, there might be hiccups. I mean, there might be frustrations in the beginning, but there are a lot of pros which you would start seeing and eventually those cons would might fade in the background. Again, everybody's I mean, experiences going to

20:26 Be different. So, along the same lines, how are you thinking about you know, the kids, right? Because the kids are here in US and you're spending the time. What are you thinking about spending time between both countries? Just wondering on that because that's a big thing for a lot of people. Yes, they like to be in India, but they also think you know, with kids when they are in US like working or in college, it's a little bit of a juggling that they have to think through. So, how what's your thought process there? Yes, I I I hear you, but then the way I look at it is like I came here 25 years back by myself. So, my kids should be able to survive. I mean, come on, when I came here, I've never interacted with any Americans. Like probably the Americans I've interacted there was like few people whom I met at work. I was working before I moved here. So and and that's it. So I mean, these guys should be able to suffer I mean, survive. And yeah, it's I'm a citizen now. So I I have the luxury of going back and forth. So hopefully that's what I would do like spend part of the time here and part of

21:27 The time in India. And I think when you came back, I think I'm assuming you came back on H1B in 2012 back to US.

21:40 In terms of I think the financial planning or anything that you have in mind like you know for your return back to India or is it still too early like when this is like a high-level plan? I'm just wondering on that like what how are you thinking about it? I am investing, but then my investment would be like it's not going to be like say 30 40 year down the I mean scenario. So probably I might get some of it. So I'm looking at a medium term of 10 years. That's one two yeah, I mean, hopefully by that time I should own this home. So this would be this will have equity when I move back. So those are the financial things and I don't have I mean, my parents property is there. So eventually which I'm going to inherit. So the if I go back, so that would be the plan me staying back in that house. That way it's closer to where my my brothers are. So that way it's like there would be a reason to move back.

22:36 And also I know people who are moving back rather Yeah, I know people who are there who move to retirement community. I haven't researched about it. So that's definitely one option. But that's pretty far off. So it's like I haven't thought I think there's a lot of you know development in the active senior community in India. Especially the options that are available. It's more on the active lifestyle side. But yes, worth exploring. like on the career front, are you thinking about retiring or like you know, because

23:10 Of the some of the cons that you have experienced in India during your first move and some of the developments that we just talked about, were you thinking about taking a break or like you know, retiring from the career side? Okay, that is the other reason. I want to pursue some passion projects. I don't I want to get out of the corporate rut. And I want to pursue some passion projects. So, I love teaching. I would want to go back to teaching. I I don't know how this is going to work. This might just be like I mean too idealistic to think of. But I I mean I would want to do what I really enjoy doing. And get out of this corporate cesspool. So, that's part of the reason. It's not only the quality of life or health or I mean the social thing. It's also like I mean I I feel that I would have a lot more freedom of like like pursuing my passion or doing something different.

24:02 Being in India than Bay Area, right? Like Bay Area, I have to put food on the table. So, it's such a small expensive place here even within the country. So, in that case like So, I thought moving back to India would give me like some semi-retirement before I really retire. So, just to understand so, you it's more to do with I think the financial cushion that you would have to pursue these passion things is much more easier in India than in US just because of the cost of living and all that stuff. Yeah, I mean cost of living and also the timeline I'm looking at it is like at that time once both the kids have left home. So, I don't see a point in slogging in the corporate environment. I mean being myself, so it doesn't make sense. At least that's what my last plan is. Again, who knows what's going to happen in 6 years. Got it.

24:53 Along the same lines, I think this is

24:55 A point that we had touched earlier and you know most of the time you hear like maybe you know one of the spouses like most of the time it's the wife like you know how they were you know how they were and then like in the workplace or in the home or like you know the circles from your perspective has things changed how it was in 2009 and now in 2016 because you know from what you have experienced just wondering on that anything that you want [clears throat] to add on from your own experience and from what you're observing now? That's really tough question so I mean society as such is a clutch these are some of the habits like essentially how people are treated right that's I don't think I don't expect that to have changed.

25:46 Yes there are a lot more women who are in the workforce today so probably things are tilting but I don't see a drastic change in that like with respect to the way people are treated the respect and things like that I'm not sure how much it has changed I mean I haven't looked at it from that point of view again because like I have friends who are working there but then they are used to being there all the time right so and they still have this their own challenges. Okay see this is a this is a very controversial thing. I hope the next generation of men the next generation in India would change but that's possible only if the parents at home moms in particular I mean teach the boys how to treat women and dads model it.

26:38 So unless and until that happens the change is going to be really hard. It would happen eventually. You see in our society is right I was actually talking to a friend the other day about the birth rate how it is plummeting in US and the same thing is happening in South Korea, the same thing is happening in Japan. Why is that? Because women who are working, they're not comfortable getting into the marriage in the first place. So, there is a change in the society there. Eventually, yeah, there would be harmony there at some point of time, but then with I mean, it's going to take some time. So, India has not even reached that point. We are still a very traditional place where women are expected to I mean, marry, have kids, and settle down at some point of time. So, every society is maturing at its own pace, and India is going to change, too. Yeah, makes sense.

27:24 Is there anything that we haven't

27:26 Covered that you want to bring up, or any advice for the people who are thinking about moving to India? Yes. Yeah, yes, two things. One thing, I mean, things like what you are moving from here, be cognizant. When we moved from here, we shipped 26 boxes, took like probably six suitcases. I actually more than that, like because my parents were living here. I mean, they came here for my son's birth, and then they took some of our stuff in their second baggages, and we had four suitcases, and there was a child who had two baggages. So, we took so many things to India. When we came back, we came back with six suitcases. And that's it.

28:13 We So, just be cognizant of of what you're taking. Like, everything around me now looks very important to me. But at the end of the day, don't waste your money in shipping. Don't I mean, see what is thing that you would be really using. I mean, there are certain things which are irreplacable, right? So, those things, sure. I guess that's what we brought back. Those were That's the six suitcases which we brought back. Otherwise, like we left most of the stuff. That's one. Two, with respect to money, I mean, we did not transfer the whole of it. Like, we had already had some savings there. So, apart from that, we did not transfer the whole money. I still had money sitting in my stocks here. I still had my 401k 401k was moved to IRA. So, the money was not transferred fully. So, that made things easier.

29:03 So, I mean, unless and until you need the money right away, I would suggest like leave it here for some time and see how things go there. And also, I mean, moving back and forth is going to be really expensive with the exchange rate and the current climate where there I think there is some charge or something to transfer. I haven't transferred money to India in a while. So, with all those expenses, people might have to really have I mean, they go slow with respect to moving finances. That's what my advice would be. Yeah, I think the only thing that I would add on there is yes, there is no rush to move the money from abroad to The only thing is like, you know, plan your R&R period, which is only anywhere from 1 to 3 years. I think, you know, if you're doing some asset restructuring or anything like that, it's an important timeline to consider. But I think there is no rush in terms of moving your savings or anything to India within certain time.

29:58 Yeah, and also like you you got to be prepared to establish all the bank accounts in India like the NRI NRI account like how you're going to maintain once you're there. And the maintaining of the accounts when we were here, we had in the credit union. So, it was little simpler. It was not a commercial bank. So, the credit union was flexible. And I had one credit card open. So, again, that that was helpful because I mean, sometimes when friends came in here, we bought stuff or like it was easier to pay off stuff I mean, the bills and things like that. So, it's yeah, to have one credit card and having the bank preferably in a credit union who's not going to charge you to I mean, for every single thing would be easier. Yes, for sure. There's a lot to think about I think in terms of organizing and you know closing out like how to manage it and then you know the timeline.

30:51 So on the immigration status I'm assuming you are a green card holder or a US citizen currently. Yeah. cool. So thank you very much I know for sharing your story with us in terms of your experience how it was when you first moved and the reasons and the experience you had in India and the reasons to move back and your current thought process about your plans of your stay in US and moving back in there. So really appreciate it you taking the time and sharing your thoughts with us. Yeah thank you so much thanks for this opportunity. So I hope this would be helpful to somebody. Yes. You know guys. Yes. Right.