We Moved Back to India, Then Returned to the US: Why It Happened
After 17 years in the US, they moved back to India in 2009 with their infant son. Three years later, they returned to the US. This is the honest story of why the return did not work: work culture challenges, gender dynamics, family alignment issues, and the lessons learned from trying twice.
In this story
- Key Highlights from This Return Journey
- Why This Story Matters for Every NRI Family
- Background: From India to the US and Back
- The Decision to Return: Health, Family, and Timing
- Initial Challenges: From Bangalore to Chennai
- Work Culture Struggles: Being Seen as a Professional vs. a Woman
- Family Dynamics & Gender Expectations
- The Breaking Point & Aunt's Encouragement
- The Return to US: Austin to Bay Area
- Life After the Second Move: Perspective and Growth
- Planning a Third Return to India: Lessons Applied
- Critical Lessons for NRI Families
- â“ Frequently Asked Questions
After 17 years in the US, they moved back to India in 2009 with their infant son. Three years later, they returned to the US. This is the honest story of why the return didn't work—work culture challenges, gender dynamics, family alignment issues, and the lessons learned from trying twice.
🎥 Video Summary (45:20): Watch this honest conversation about a family's journey from the US to India and back again. Key timestamps: 0:00 Introduction, 3:15 Background & Initial Move to US, 8:30 Decision to Return to India, 15:45 Challenges in India - Work Culture, 22:10 Gender Dynamics & Family Expectations, 28:40 The Decision to Return to US, 35:20 Life After Second Move, 40:15 Lessons & Advice for NRIs.
Key Highlights from This Return Journey
- Moved to US in 2001 for master's degree, met spouse in Boston, married and settled for 8 years
- Returned to India in 2009 after husband's health issues, with 6-month-old baby
- Lived in Bangalore initially, then moved to Chennai for family support and job opportunities
- Experienced significant work culture challenges as a woman professional in India
- Had to "go to war sometimes to prove myself" professionally despite technical competence
- Family dynamics included expectation to eat last after serving everyone else, even as working mother
- Aunt who was ill encouraged her to return to US, recognizing her struggles
- Moved back to US in 2012 via husband's internal company transfer to Austin, Texas
- Found remote work opportunity in 2012 (rare at the time), later moved to Bay Area
- Now divorced, planning third return to India in 6 years when kids go to college
Central Theme: Not all returns to India work out, and that's okay. This story demonstrates the importance of family alignment, realistic expectations about work culture (especially for women), and the courage to admit when something isn't working. The key lesson: you cannot build a relationship on compromise, and both spouses must be genuinely on board for a return to succeed long-term.
Why This Story Matters for Every NRI Family
Most NRI return stories you hear are success stories—families who moved back to India and thrived. But what about the ones that didn't work out? What about families who tried, struggled, and made the difficult decision to return to their adopted country?
This is one of those stories. It's the honest account of a family who moved from the US to India in 2009, lived there for three years, and then returned to the US in 2012. It's not a failure story—it's a learning story about the importance of family alignment, realistic expectations, and the courage to change course when something isn't working.
The guest in this episode (who prefers to remain anonymous) shares her experience with remarkable candor: the work culture challenges she faced as a woman professional, the family dynamics that were harder to navigate than expected, and the moment she realized that staying in India was hurting her relationship and her sense of self.
Whether you're planning your first return to India or reconsidering a move that isn't working out, this story offers valuable insights about when to persevere and when to pivot.
Background: From India to the US and Back
Our guest came to the US in 2001 to pursue her master's degree. Like many international students, she met her future spouse in Boston, where they were both studying. After completing their degrees, they got married and settled into American life.
For eight years (2001-2009), they built their lives in the US. She was working on an H1B visa, navigating the typical challenges of visa renewals and the uncertainty that comes with temporary status. By 2009, they had been in the US for nearly a decade and had established careers, friendships, and a comfortable lifestyle.
Then came the catalyst for change: her husband developed health issues and wanted to move back to India. This wasn't a mutual decision driven by shared enthusiasm—it was a medical necessity that required compromise.
This skepticism would prove to be prescient. As she reflects now, the lack of full alignment from the beginning created challenges that would persist throughout their time in India.
For context on how visa status affects return decisions, see our guide on H1B to H4 visa transitions when returning to India.
The Decision to Return: Health, Family, and Timing
The decision to return to India wasn't made lightly. It was driven by her husband's health concerns, but the timing also aligned with a major life change: they had just had their first child.
Having a six-month-old baby added both motivation and complexity to the move. On one hand, it meant they could benefit from extended family support for childcare—something that would be expensive and logistically challenging in the US. On the other hand, it meant navigating a major life transition while adjusting to parenthood.
One advantage she immediately recognized was the ability to take a career break without visa complications:
This flexibility to take time off for family without jeopardizing immigration status is one of the genuine advantages of returning to India, especially for new parents. In the US, switching from H1B to H4 (dependent status) and back can be complex and risky.
However, she also notes an important point about gender dynamics in decision-making:
Even in the US, working women often carry a disproportionate burden of household and family responsibilities. This dynamic would become even more pronounced in India.
Initial Challenges: From Bangalore to Chennai
The family initially moved to Bangalore because her husband's company had an office there and could provide an internal transfer. Bangalore seemed like the obvious choice—India's Silicon Valley, with good infrastructure and job opportunities.
However, the reality of living in Bangalore with a six-month-old baby proved more challenging than expected. When she started looking for work after her year-long break, she found a job on the other side of the city, which meant dealing with Bangalore's notorious traffic.
The commute was brutal—45 minutes to an hour each way, meaning two hours on the road daily. For a working mother with an infant, this was unsustainable.
Adding to the challenge was the lack of immediate family support. Both sets of parents were in Chennai, and while they tried to help by traveling back and forth, it wasn't a sustainable arrangement:
Eventually, they made the decision to move to Chennai, where they could have consistent family support and she could find work closer to home.
For more insights on choosing the right city for your return, see our comparison of Bangalore vs Chennai for NRI families returning to India.
Work Culture Struggles: Being Seen as a Professional vs. a Woman
Once settled in Chennai, our guest joined IBM and worked there for close to three years. This is where she encountered some of the most significant challenges of her return—challenges that ultimately contributed to her decision to move back to the US.
This distinction—being seen as a professional first versus being seen as a woman first—became a defining struggle. Despite her technical competence and years of experience in the US, she found herself constantly having to prove her abilities in ways that felt unnecessary and exhausting.
The phrase "go to war" is particularly telling. It suggests not just occasional challenges, but ongoing battles to be taken seriously, to have her expertise recognized, and to be treated with the same respect as her male colleagues.
This isn't to say that workplace gender dynamics don't exist in the US—she acknowledges that American workplaces aren't "all roses." However, the degree and nature of the challenges felt significantly different. In the US, she had established herself as a professional and was generally treated as such. In India, despite her qualifications and experience, she felt she was starting from scratch in terms of earning professional respect.
Important Context: This is One Person's Experience
It's crucial to note that this is one individual's experience in one company in Chennai in 2009-2012. Work cultures vary significantly across companies, cities, and industries in India. Many women professionals thrive in Indian workplaces. However, this story highlights the importance of researching company culture and having realistic expectations about potential challenges.
The professional challenges were compounded by the fact that she was also navigating new motherhood and family dynamics. The combination of proving herself at work while managing increased family responsibilities created a level of stress that became unsustainable.
For women professionals considering a return to India, it's worth researching workplace culture differences for women in India vs US to set appropriate expectations.
Family Dynamics & Gender Expectations
Beyond the workplace challenges, our guest also struggled with family and cultural expectations that felt restrictive after years of independence in the US.
This expectation—that she, as the daughter-in-law and woman of the house, should serve everyone else before eating—was particularly jarring. After years of living independently in the US, where household responsibilities were more equally shared, this felt like a significant step backward.
Age is a crucial factor here. When you've lived independently for nearly a decade, established your own routines and expectations, and developed a sense of autonomy, adapting to traditional family hierarchies becomes much more difficult. It's not just about the specific expectation (eating last), but about what it represents—a fundamental shift in how she was expected to prioritize herself relative to others.
She makes an important point about why women are often more hesitant about returning to India:
The irony is that while India offers more domestic help, the cultural expectations around women's roles can actually increase rather than decrease the burden. In the US, she might do more physical household work, but she had more autonomy over how and when to do it. In India, even with domestic help available, the expectation was that she would manage and coordinate everything while also fulfilling traditional family obligations.
This "double duty" phenomenon—managing both career and household responsibilities—exists in both countries, but the cultural context and expectations can make it feel more burdensome in India, especially for women who have experienced more egalitarian arrangements abroad.
The Breaking Point & Aunt's Encouragement
Despite the challenges, there were also meaningful aspects of being back in India. Our guest was able to spend significant time with her aunt, who was ill, creating memories and connections that wouldn't have been possible from the US.
This time with family—being present during illness, providing support, and deepening relationships—is one of the genuine benefits of returning to India. It's the kind of experience that many NRIs cite as their primary motivation for moving back.
However, it was this same aunt who ultimately encouraged her to return to the US. Seeing her niece's struggles, the aunt recognized that staying in India was taking a toll:
This is a poignant moment in the story. The person who benefited most from her presence in India—her ill aunt—was also the one who recognized that her niece's wellbeing was suffering. It takes wisdom and love to encourage someone to leave when their presence is meaningful to you.
The aunt's encouragement gave her permission to acknowledge what she was already feeling: that the return to India wasn't working for her personally or professionally, and that it was affecting her relationship and sense of self.
While she doesn't elaborate on the personal challenges, it's clear that the stress of adjusting to work culture, family expectations, and daily life in India was affecting her marriage and overall wellbeing.
The Importance of Having Honest Conversations
This story highlights the importance of having honest conversations with family members about your struggles. Sometimes an outside perspective—even from someone who benefits from your presence—can help you see the situation more clearly and give you permission to make difficult decisions.
The Return to US: Austin to Bay Area
The decision to return to the US was made easier by her husband's ability to get another internal transfer. This time, the destination was Austin, Texas, rather than their previous home in Boston.
Having an internal transfer option made the visa process much smoother than it would have been if they had to find new employers. This is one of the advantages of working for multinational companies—the ability to move between offices in different countries.
For her, the job search was more challenging, but she was fortunate to find a remote work opportunity—something that was much less common in 2012 than it is today:
The remote work arrangement was particularly beneficial because it allowed her to be present for her son without the stress of commuting or finding immediate childcare:
After about a year in Austin, they moved to the Bay Area, where she continues to work remotely. The Bay Area offered better career opportunities and a larger Indian community, making it easier to maintain cultural connections while enjoying the professional and personal freedoms they had missed in India.
For another Bay Area family perspective before returning to India, see our guide on leaving Google, PayPal, and Microsoft jobs to move back to Pune.
Life After the Second Move: Perspective and Growth
Looking back on the experience, our guest doesn't view the three years in India as a failure. Instead, she sees it as a necessary journey that taught her important lessons about herself, her priorities, and what she needs to thrive.
The remote work arrangement that started in 2012 has continued for over a decade, giving her the flexibility to balance career and family in a way that works for her:
This long-term remote work success story is particularly relevant in today's post-COVID world, where remote work has become much more accepted and common. It shows that with the right arrangement, it's possible to maintain career continuity even through major geographic moves.
However, her personal life has also evolved significantly. She mentions that she is now divorced, which adds another layer of complexity to her story and future planning:
While she doesn't directly connect the divorce to their time in India or the stress of multiple moves, it's clear that the challenges they faced during those years—the lack of initial alignment about the move, the stress of adjustment, and the personal struggles she experienced—likely contributed to relationship strain.
This underscores one of her key messages: the importance of both spouses being genuinely on board with major life decisions like international moves.
The Long-term Impact of Misaligned Decisions
While we can't know all the factors that contributed to their divorce, this story illustrates how major life decisions made without full alignment can have lasting consequences. The stress of adjustment, unmet expectations, and feeling unsupported during challenging times can create wounds that are difficult to heal.
Planning a Third Return to India: Lessons Applied
Remarkably, our guest is now planning another return to India—but this time, the circumstances and motivations are completely different.
This time, the decision is entirely her own. As a single parent, she's thinking about what makes sense for her life once her children are independent. The motivations are clear and personal:
She's also approaching this potential move with much more knowledge and realistic expectations:
The key differences in her approach this time:
- Personal choice: This is her decision, not a compromise or response to someone else's needs
- Realistic expectations: She knows what challenges to expect and has strategies to address them
- Clear timeline: She has a specific plan (6 years) rather than an indefinite commitment
- Financial security: As a US citizen with established remote work, she has more flexibility
- Life stage alignment: Moving when her children are independent rather than during critical parenting years
She also acknowledges that India has changed significantly since her last experience:
Most importantly, she recognizes the improvements in workplace culture for women:
This evolution in India's workplace culture, combined with her own growth and changed circumstances, makes a future return seem much more viable than her first attempt.
Critical Lessons for NRI Families
This story offers several crucial lessons for families considering a return to India—or reconsidering a move that isn't working out.
1. Both Spouses Must Be Genuinely Aligned
The most important lesson from this story is about alignment. Our guest emphasizes this point repeatedly:
She goes further to explain why compromise isn't enough:
This is a profound insight. While compromise is often seen as a virtue in relationships, when it comes to major life decisions like international moves, compromise without genuine buy-in can create lasting resentment and relationship damage.
2. Research and Preparation Are Crucial
Our guest moved to India in 2009 when resources for returning NRIs were limited:
Today's returnees have access to much more information:
Her advice is practical and actionable:
3. It's Okay to Change Course
Perhaps the most important lesson is that it's okay to admit when something isn't working and change course. There's no shame in trying something, learning from it, and making a different choice.
Our guest's willingness to return to the US after three years in India wasn't a failure—it was a recognition that her wellbeing, her relationship, and her professional growth were suffering. Making that difficult decision likely saved her marriage (at least temporarily) and allowed her to rebuild her career and confidence.
4. Timing and Life Stage Matter
The story also illustrates how timing and life stage affect the success of international moves. Moving with a six-month-old baby, while dealing with health issues, and without full spousal alignment created a perfect storm of challenges.
Her planned future return is timed for when her children will be independent, when she'll have more flexibility, and when the decision will be entirely her own. This strategic timing is likely to lead to a much more successful outcome.
5. India Is Evolving
Finally, this story reminds us that India is not static. The workplace culture, infrastructure, and opportunities available today are significantly different from what they were in 2009-2012. While some challenges remain, many have improved, and new opportunities have emerged.
For families considering a return today, it's important to base decisions on current realities rather than outdated perceptions or experiences from years past.
Key Takeaway
A "failed" return to India isn't really a failure if you learn from it, grow from it, and use those lessons to make better decisions in the future. Sometimes the most valuable experiences are the ones that don't go according to plan.
â“ Frequently Asked Questions
Why do families return to the US after moving back to India?
Families return to the US after moving to India for several reasons: (1) Work culture challenges—especially for women professionals who face different treatment and expectations compared to Western workplaces, (2) Family misalignment—when one spouse is miserable and the relationship suffers, (3) Career limitations—difficulty finding suitable roles or being treated as a professional rather than being defined by gender, (4) Quality of life factors—traffic, pollution, and infrastructure challenges that wear down daily life, (5) Lack of support systems—when extended family dynamics don't work as expected. The guest in this story returned because she was struggling professionally and personally, and her aunt encouraged her to go back to the US where she had more opportunities and respect.
What are the work culture differences for women in India vs US?
According to the guest's experience, the key differences include: (1) Professional treatment—in the US, she was seen as a professional first; in India, she felt she was seen as a woman first and had to constantly prove her technical abilities, (2) Expectations at home—in India, there was an expectation that she would eat last after everyone else was served, even as a working mother, which was a significant cultural adjustment, (3) Freedom and autonomy—the US offered more personal freedom in how she managed her time and responsibilities, (4) Work-life dynamics—women in India often do 'double duty' managing both career and household responsibilities with less support from spouses. She emphasized that these cultural norms around gender roles made it very difficult to adapt at age 28-30 after living independently in the US.
How long should you try living in India before deciding it's not working?
The guest lived in India for close to 3 years (2009-2012) before deciding to return to the US. She started working after a year's break, so she had about 2 years of work experience in India. This gave her enough time to experience the work culture, family dynamics, and daily life challenges. Most experts recommend giving it at least 12-18 months to adjust, but if fundamental issues like professional respect, family alignment, or quality of life aren't improving after 2-3 years, it may be time to reconsider. The key is whether the challenges are temporary adjustment issues or deeper incompatibilities with your values and lifestyle needs.
Can I return to the US after moving back to India?
Yes, you can return to the US after moving to India, but it requires planning. The guest in this story moved back to the US in 2012 after 3 years in India. Her husband got an internal transfer with his company to Austin, Texas, which made the visa process easier. She came on a dependent visa initially and then found a remote job, which was less common in 2012 but worked out for her situation. After a year in Austin, they moved to the Bay Area. The key is maintaining professional networks, keeping skills current, and being open to different locations and job arrangements. Many people keep this option open mentally for the first 1-2 years in India as a 'Plan B.'
Should both spouses be aligned before returning to India?
Absolutely yes. The guest emphasized this point strongly: "Whether it's a man or a woman, just make sure both of you guys are on the same page if you want to move back to India or even if you're going to move back to any other country. You cannot drag that person across the world into another country without their consent. It's not going to work. You cannot start a relationship or you cannot build a relationship on a compromise." She noted that while many women do compromise and some make it work, others don't, and "once that wound is created right it's really hard to heal." Her husband wanted to move back for health reasons, and she was skeptical but eventually agreed. The lack of full alignment contributed to the challenges they faced.
What are the advantages of living in India for working mothers?
Despite the challenges, the guest acknowledged several advantages: (1) Extended family support—her parents took care of her infant son Monday through Friday, giving her reliable childcare, (2) Ability to take career breaks—she took a year off after having her baby, which would have been difficult on H1B visa in the US, (3) Time with family—she spent significant quality time with her aunt who was ill, which she wouldn't have had if she stayed in the US, (4) Domestic help availability—having household help for cleaning, cooking, and other tasks reduces the 'double duty' burden on working women, (5) Lower cost of living—especially in tier-2 cities, making it easier to afford help and maintain lifestyle on single income if needed.
How do I plan a return to India if I'm not fully convinced?
The guest's advice: (1) Do extensive research—in 2009 there were limited resources, but today you have forums, podcasts, and communities to learn from, (2) Visit and explore first—if possible, go look at housing, schools, and neighborhoods before committing, (3) Have open conversations—discuss expectations, concerns, and deal-breakers with your spouse honestly, (4) Plan for both scenarios—have a financial buffer and keep professional networks active in case you need to return, (5) Set a trial period—mentally commit to giving it 12-18 months but know you can reassess, (6) Understand the 'why'—be clear on your motivations and whether they're strong enough to sustain you through challenges. Most importantly, don't move if you're fundamentally opposed—compromise on this scale rarely works long-term.
What should I know about renting in India vs the US?
The guest noted that "renting in US was so much so different than renting in India." In the US, she lived in rental apartments for 7 years before moving to India, mostly managed by rental property companies or individual owners who were professional and didn't interfere much. In India, she found the rental experience more challenging—landlords were more involved, there were more restrictions, and the process felt less professional. She mentioned they never rented in India before (they stayed with family or owned property), so that was part of the adjustment. The lack of professional property management and more personal landlord relationships can be a culture shock for NRIs used to US rental systems.
Considering Your Own Return to India?
Whether you're planning your first move to India or reconsidering a return that isn't working out, you don't have to navigate these complex decisions alone. Our community of experienced returnees and transition specialists can help you think through your options, avoid common pitfalls, and make decisions that align with your family's unique situation.
Join 2,000+ NRI families who've successfully navigated their return journey with expert guidance and community support.
Chapters
- 0:00 Introduction
- 1:22 Background
- 4:20 Spouse involvement process
- 9:10 Planning the move
- 12:04 Life in India
- 15:15 Planning the move back to US
- 16:26 Why reconsidering move to India
- 18:35 How about the kids' situation?
- 21:40 Financial planning
- 23:10 Retirement planning
- 24:55 Changes in India
- 27:25 Advice for future aspirants?
Transcript
Auto-generated captions, lightly cleaned
0:00 Again, this is a point which I want to drive in this video, on how men versus women feel and the dynamics behind it. Women who work do more than double duty here. You mean in US? In US. So, let us if you think deep, why is that we still don't want to move back to India? It was It was pretty hard to adjust even to the work environment. I'm not saying that US work is all roses. I mean, there There are a lot of challenges even here. I feel that going back to India would be a good decision for me in the long term. And Yeah, I mean, I think this time it would be much more informed decision because yeah, I know what to expect.
0:47 But unlike earlier, like now I have a three-year runway of planning. And the other thing is
1:22 Thanks a lot for being with us on our podcast today. So, let's start a bit about your background and what got you to move to US initially. sure. so, I mean, first of all, Ernest, like I mentioned before you started recording, thank you so much for doing this because I moved to India 17 years back in 2009. At that time, there was literally no resource, there was just one active forum. And pretty much that's it. I was flying blind. So, let me get to your question. Like I came to US in 2001 to do my masters. I met my my spouse there I met my spouse here. I mean we were in Boston at that time and yeah, we were married and we decided to go around 2006 2007 he had some health issues so he wanted to move back.
2:16 I was a little skeptical. So again, this is a point which I want to drive in this video on how men versus women feel and the dynamics behind it. but eventually yeah, we moved back in 2009 after I had my first son. We were in India for close to 3 years. Actually a little more than 3 years. I started working after years break so that was definitely one advantage of moving to India. I was able to take a break. At that time I was in H1. As you know, like moving from H1 to H4 or moving back, it's it's a process >> it's a punishing thing here. More than a process it's a punishing thing in this country. So yeah, I had that freedom of being at home when my son was an infant. And then but again, like when I started working I one way I had a drive of like close to 45 minutes to 1 hour depending on how things are. So that's like 2 hours on the road.
Read the full transcript (39 more sections)
3:15 But I mean I continued this like for like close to 3 years as I said and then eventually we moved back to US in 2012. Got it. So >> And Yeah. Go ahead. I know you did not ask this but I want to drive this point. But my plan is to move back to India in 6 years when my son goes to college because I I have two kids now and my once my second one goes to college there's nothing for me to do in San Jose here. So I And India has changed so much in the past 14 years. I mean just we since we came back, right? So I can clearly see that like and I think just I mean more than even the superficial things like I mean cleaning I mean the house help or like the delivery stuff.
4:01 I feel now it's in the long term it this might be a better condition for me. So, I'm strongly thinking of moving back to India once my son finish goes to college which is in another 6 years. Yeah. Now, thanks for sharing that. I know you covered most of them like you know a little big picture. Let's dive into the individual ones. So, how was
4:21 The life initially like I think when you moved in 2000 like you know for the first 6 7 years and then why the idea like I know you were hesitant. Let's talk through about the decision process that went I mean I think this is a key one especially when you are not so keen and your husband at the time was you know keen on moving. So, let's talk through the decision process there and how you decided as a family to move back. Yes, sure. So, that's the other part I wanted to tell. I have seen in many forums including SOS Global on Facebook that typically guys would post saying that hey, I want to move back to India but my wife is hesitant and then bunch of folks would bounce on saying like hey, women are always this this I mean there is a reason why actually women doesn't want to move back to India.
5:08 Think about it, right? Like we do everything here like laundry, cooking, cleaning. I mean my house help is supposed to come once in 2 weeks. And she's gone down. She's gone to Mexico for some personal reason and I don't know when she's going to be back. Of course, in India it happens but then there would be somebody else on the road when whom my mom is going to call and they will take care of that. That's not the case here for women. Women women who work do more than double duty India. It's a multiple fold like one, how the society looks at women in general.
5:55 Two, the norms, the expectations at home, like how like the thing is the moment somebody is here, right? Whether they came in as a student in F1 or they came on a different visa and H4, it doesn't matter like the kind of freedom you get it's by freedom I don't mean like like partying or something. Like for instance when I mean I was a new mom the expectation was everybody in the house has to eat first and then I have to eat. I came here and I ate there like most of the time I used to stand in the kitchen and eat. That's how my life was always. So those things are it's it's not that easy to adapt at the age of 28, 29, 30. And that is the reason why women doesn't want to move.
6:43 So having said all these things, I just have one point to drive in this video. Whether it's a man or a woman just make sure both of you guys are on the same page if you want to move back to India or even if you're going to move back to any other country. Yeah. Cuz imagine like this is an adult. You cannot drag that person across the world into another country like whether it's a known place or an unknown place without their I mean consent. It's not going to work. You cannot start a relationship or you cannot build a relationship on a compromise. Sure like at some point of like just like how I did, many women do it.
7:29 For many people it works out and some it doesn't work out and they come back. But once that wound is created, right? It's really hard to heal. So that's something which I want to drive home. I mean whether it is a husband or a wife, it doesn't matter. I'm not taking sides. Just make sure like you guys are on the same page before taking this big decision because this is a big big decision. Everything is going to change. Like for instance, I mean I was here in a rental apartment for about 7 years before I moved back. And most of them were like I mean rent managed rental properties. Some were managed by individual owners. Renting in US was so much so different than renting in India. It's like the the folks did not care. I know even here I had issues with my rental property manager.
8:19 But then like it was a whole different story, of course. We have never rented in India, so that's probably that was part of the problem. So there are so many small small things small so many nuances that has to be taken care of. But of course like today 2026, everybody has great tools like what I'm talking about is 2009, right? Like internet was at you can call it as an infancy compared to where it is today. So people can do the research. So do your research. First point is yes, I mean make sure you guys are on the same page. Do do a lot of research. So starting from the houses you're going to be in. Probably if it is going to it's worth the money to even go look out for places and then come back. Personally, that's the advice I would give for people who are moving. Definitely. I
9:10 Mean I completely agree that both the spouses has to be on the same page before making this big decision to move into any any other country, right? So maybe let's I think understand a little bit about in your background. Like were you working in the IT at the time of the move and and like I know you mentioned about like you are not so keen, but like it was a decision as a family where you have to compromise and then made the move. is that the decision that happened? Okay. Let's talk a little bit about the planning, right? I think you know, how did you guys decide about where to move? You know, in the career planning and all that stuff. Like if you can talk about it, that would be great. Yeah, sure. So, when we moved, we moved to Bangalore initially because his company had an office in Bangalore. So, he got an internal transfer.
9:58 And that was a very small team when he when we moved. Also, like I mean again, Bangalore looked very enticing at that time, right? It was up and coming, right? And again, when I moved, my son was just 6 months 6 months close to 6 months. So, I wanted to take a break for a little bit and not put him in the daycare right away. So, I That's one of the reasons I accidentally agreed to move because I know in US like at the time I was on H1. So, switching back to H4 and then going back and forth, it was not easy land. The economy has just crashed. So, I can I can't even imagine. This was 2009 crash. So, irrespective, right? When I I mean Basically, yeah, when we moved back, we moved to Bangalore initially. It was The first few months were okay, but then when I I found a job and when my son was like 8 months or so.
10:56 I I And we lived in Marathahalli. Like the job was at the other end of the city. I had no idea how to commute. Like there's no way that you could go through this watering road and then get get there. So, it's like Once we Once that I mean initial thing goes down, like the excitement goes down, right? You see the practical I mean issues. Like and we were in Bangalore, my parents were in Chennai, his parents were in Chennai. They cannot They were not able to move permanently. They were going back and forth. I mean going traveling from Chennai to Bangalore is not as bad as Now, now they are traveling to Bay Area, so it's like but still I mean at that time with a 6-month old baby I mean those things were challenging, so eventually we moved back to Chennai.
11:44 Got it. And I I joined in Chennai IBM, so I was there for about close to 3 years. And yeah, it's we eventually moved back in 2012. And so how was the life? Like I know you mentioned about some of the practical challenges in Bangalore with the traffic
12:04 And all that stuff, and so overall if you have to summarize the experience in 3 years and like how was it living in India at that time? Okay, I'm going to start with pros first. To start with, yeah, my I mean because we were in Chennai at that time my parents used to take care of my son and who was a baby at that time. Well, I mean Monday to Friday and then they used to go back to their homes in the weekends. So I mean again, it was busy. It was extremely busy with I mean with his parents also being in Chennai, so going back and forth. But one I mean unfortunate thing that happened in Chennai when I was there was my aunt fell sick. I was with her. I spent with so much time with her like before that my entire life I wouldn't have spent that kind of a time with her.
12:56 She was better then, so I mean I had that opportunity and I don't think I would have ever had that kind of an opportunity if I had been in US obviously. So and around that around that time yeah, there were other things happening in my personal life which was actually very I I mean it did not go in the right direction. And the same aunt was the one who encouraged me to go back to US at that time. But eventually she passed away in 2011 and yeah, we moved back in 2012. Middle middle of 2012. So, that was one advantage for sure. But, with respect to like the challenges, right? It was it was pretty hard to adjust even to the work environment.
13:42 I'm not saying like US work is all I mean, there were there are a lot of But, then seeing a being looked at as a professional is very different from being looked at as a woman. How much ever technical you are, it was I had to go to war sometimes to prove myself, which I know that I I was right. Yeah. So, things like that. I mean, like it was not easy so for sure and apart from the superficial things like I mean, traffic, pollution and all those things, those could be handled versus your day-to-day how you are being treated as a person, how you are being treated as a professional, as a mom, wife. I think that was that played a big role in becoming back.
14:35 Got it. And after that, in general, I would say like yeah, there the were the pros was family time. Like how I said with my with my family member who was sick and of course when my son was an infant. So, he he started daycare when he was probably three three and a half. until then he he was at home actually three two and a three and a half four he would have done kindergarten, but then before we he did kindergarten, we we came back here. Cool. So, it's something on the personal and I think you know, it's you and then you know, it's the overall experience as a professional and then the personal I think that made the decision to move back to US.
15:18 So where did you guys move to? Like you know, to like in the same like Boston or some other place like I think in the change in terms of the career and how did that plan? No, actually we moved to Austin because again he was in a different company at that time and they had an office in Austin so he got a visa transfer internal transfer but I came here and I found a job. It was a remote job. I mean luckily at that time again it worked out so in 2012 of course the remote job is not that common it's not like today so again remote versus on site there are pros and cons but then yeah I've been on remote job since 2012 literally and that definitely eased the move back to US again my kid need not have to go back to I mean daycare right he was he started school but then after that I used to pick him up around 5:00 I come back from home come back and work so it was only the drive time was there.
16:18 And after a year or so we moved to Bay Area so right now I'm in Bay Area. Got it. And then I think while moving back
16:26 In terms of the decision I think as we were talking earlier right both bosses to be on the same page and all that stuff like I know you mentioned I think it was it like a mutual decision to move back at the time what was realized that I was really miserable and it's not going to I mean work out in the long term and that's the reason we And again he his move was much simpler than my move because it it was again in same team same I mean transfer I had to I put out my papers here there and then I came and I looked for a job. I got in the same company but then it was a contracting job it just so happened that I got in the same company. Okay, got it. so I know you mentioned like earlier in our discussion that I think once you were younger son you goes to college you're thinking about moving to India. I mean see someone who has this kind of experience you know and which made that made you to move back.
17:20 Just wondering like what changed or why this thought of moving back to India is still on the on the mind. Okay, two things. One, this is super personal to me, but that may be applicable for the viewers of this video. I'm divorced right now. once my kids go to college, right? My older one will be in college in a year. The younger one would be college in 6 years. So, I don't have anything to do here in Dallas. So, I'm going to be on my myself. And yeah, I have an extended family in India, so I go there almost every year, and my brothers are like they don't see it. They said why I should be here, which I agree to. And also like I realized like as you get older like the just the household and I mean, other things such there it might be much easier here. I I know I mean, my older women who are here by themselves.
18:14 And they are here by themselves because they have the security the safety net of their social circle. I do have friends here, but they are friends, right? Everybody has their own life. Yes. >> So, versus like I I feel that going back to India would be a good decision for me in the long term.
18:39 Yeah, I I know But unlike earlier like now I have was clear that my way of planning. And the other thing is India has changed so much. Even with respect to just office culture, right? Going back to how it was in 2012. There are a lot, lot more women in workforce today. I mean, I I can see it is just amazing and it is so nice to see that. I mean, just hearing from my friends who are there, I mean, when I go there, when I talk to my friends' daughters, it is so refreshing to see there. I mean, I'm not saying it's again all rosy today. Now, my planning for the next few years is much well in foundation. Could be because it came from my own initiative.
19:25 And also what people can expect today is definitely different. I mean, the traffic is worse. I don't know what for. The pollution is worse. But apart from the the traffic and pollution and stuff, I think there are other things that has definitely improved in India. I mean, come on, you're going to get something in 15 minutes. So, there are so many blanket vehicles on the road. So, it's a compromise of what you want versus I mean, inside your house versus what's outside, right? Like we are traffic. Traffic is not something external. We create the traffic. yeah, once I I think those hump is passed like after few years of adjusting, I think people should be okay as if as I said earlier, like if you decide this as a family, if there is harmony as you move the decision, and if you plan well, there might be hiccups. I mean, there might be frustrations in the beginning, but there are a lot of pros which you would start seeing and eventually those cons would might fade in the background. Again, everybody's I mean, experiences going to
20:26 Be different. So, along the same lines, how are you thinking about you know, the kids, right? Because the kids are here in US and you're spending the time. What are you thinking about spending time between both countries? Just wondering on that because that's a big thing for a lot of people. Yes, they like to be in India, but they also think you know, with kids when they are in US like working or in college, it's a little bit of a juggling that they have to think through. So, how what's your thought process there? Yes, I I I hear you, but then the way I look at it is like I came here 25 years back by myself. So, my kids should be able to survive. I mean, come on, when I came here, I've never interacted with any Americans. Like probably the Americans I've interacted there was like few people whom I met at work. I was working before I moved here. So and and that's it. So I mean, these guys should be able to suffer I mean, survive. And yeah, it's I'm a citizen now. So I I have the luxury of going back and forth. So hopefully that's what I would do like spend part of the time here and part of
21:27 The time in India. And I think when you came back, I think I'm assuming you came back on H1B in 2012 back to US.
21:40 In terms of I think the financial planning or anything that you have in mind like you know for your return back to India or is it still too early like when this is like a high-level plan? I'm just wondering on that like what how are you thinking about it? I am investing, but then my investment would be like it's not going to be like say 30 40 year down the I mean scenario. So probably I might get some of it. So I'm looking at a medium term of 10 years. That's one two yeah, I mean, hopefully by that time I should own this home. So this would be this will have equity when I move back. So those are the financial things and I don't have I mean, my parents property is there. So eventually which I'm going to inherit. So the if I go back, so that would be the plan me staying back in that house. That way it's closer to where my my brothers are. So that way it's like there would be a reason to move back.
22:36 And also I know people who are moving back rather Yeah, I know people who are there who move to retirement community. I haven't researched about it. So that's definitely one option. But that's pretty far off. So it's like I haven't thought I think there's a lot of you know development in the active senior community in India. Especially the options that are available. It's more on the active lifestyle side. But yes, worth exploring. like on the career front, are you thinking about retiring or like you know, because
23:10 Of the some of the cons that you have experienced in India during your first move and some of the developments that we just talked about, were you thinking about taking a break or like you know, retiring from the career side? Okay, that is the other reason. I want to pursue some passion projects. I don't I want to get out of the corporate rut. And I want to pursue some passion projects. So, I love teaching. I would want to go back to teaching. I I don't know how this is going to work. This might just be like I mean too idealistic to think of. But I I mean I would want to do what I really enjoy doing. And get out of this corporate cesspool. So, that's part of the reason. It's not only the quality of life or health or I mean the social thing. It's also like I mean I I feel that I would have a lot more freedom of like like pursuing my passion or doing something different.
24:02 Being in India than Bay Area, right? Like Bay Area, I have to put food on the table. So, it's such a small expensive place here even within the country. So, in that case like So, I thought moving back to India would give me like some semi-retirement before I really retire. So, just to understand so, you it's more to do with I think the financial cushion that you would have to pursue these passion things is much more easier in India than in US just because of the cost of living and all that stuff. Yeah, I mean cost of living and also the timeline I'm looking at it is like at that time once both the kids have left home. So, I don't see a point in slogging in the corporate environment. I mean being myself, so it doesn't make sense. At least that's what my last plan is. Again, who knows what's going to happen in 6 years. Got it.
24:53 Along the same lines, I think this is
24:55 A point that we had touched earlier and you know most of the time you hear like maybe you know one of the spouses like most of the time it's the wife like you know how they were you know how they were and then like in the workplace or in the home or like you know the circles from your perspective has things changed how it was in 2009 and now in 2016 because you know from what you have experienced just wondering on that anything that you want [clears throat] to add on from your own experience and from what you're observing now? That's really tough question so I mean society as such is a clutch these are some of the habits like essentially how people are treated right that's I don't think I don't expect that to have changed.
25:46 Yes there are a lot more women who are in the workforce today so probably things are tilting but I don't see a drastic change in that like with respect to the way people are treated the respect and things like that I'm not sure how much it has changed I mean I haven't looked at it from that point of view again because like I have friends who are working there but then they are used to being there all the time right so and they still have this their own challenges. Okay see this is a this is a very controversial thing. I hope the next generation of men the next generation in India would change but that's possible only if the parents at home moms in particular I mean teach the boys how to treat women and dads model it.
26:38 So unless and until that happens the change is going to be really hard. It would happen eventually. You see in our society is right I was actually talking to a friend the other day about the birth rate how it is plummeting in US and the same thing is happening in South Korea, the same thing is happening in Japan. Why is that? Because women who are working, they're not comfortable getting into the marriage in the first place. So, there is a change in the society there. Eventually, yeah, there would be harmony there at some point of time, but then with I mean, it's going to take some time. So, India has not even reached that point. We are still a very traditional place where women are expected to I mean, marry, have kids, and settle down at some point of time. So, every society is maturing at its own pace, and India is going to change, too. Yeah, makes sense.
27:24 Is there anything that we haven't
27:26 Covered that you want to bring up, or any advice for the people who are thinking about moving to India? Yes. Yeah, yes, two things. One thing, I mean, things like what you are moving from here, be cognizant. When we moved from here, we shipped 26 boxes, took like probably six suitcases. I actually more than that, like because my parents were living here. I mean, they came here for my son's birth, and then they took some of our stuff in their second baggages, and we had four suitcases, and there was a child who had two baggages. So, we took so many things to India. When we came back, we came back with six suitcases. And that's it.
28:13 We So, just be cognizant of of what you're taking. Like, everything around me now looks very important to me. But at the end of the day, don't waste your money in shipping. Don't I mean, see what is thing that you would be really using. I mean, there are certain things which are irreplacable, right? So, those things, sure. I guess that's what we brought back. Those were That's the six suitcases which we brought back. Otherwise, like we left most of the stuff. That's one. Two, with respect to money, I mean, we did not transfer the whole of it. Like, we had already had some savings there. So, apart from that, we did not transfer the whole money. I still had money sitting in my stocks here. I still had my 401k 401k was moved to IRA. So, the money was not transferred fully. So, that made things easier.
29:03 So, I mean, unless and until you need the money right away, I would suggest like leave it here for some time and see how things go there. And also, I mean, moving back and forth is going to be really expensive with the exchange rate and the current climate where there I think there is some charge or something to transfer. I haven't transferred money to India in a while. So, with all those expenses, people might have to really have I mean, they go slow with respect to moving finances. That's what my advice would be. Yeah, I think the only thing that I would add on there is yes, there is no rush to move the money from abroad to The only thing is like, you know, plan your R&R period, which is only anywhere from 1 to 3 years. I think, you know, if you're doing some asset restructuring or anything like that, it's an important timeline to consider. But I think there is no rush in terms of moving your savings or anything to India within certain time.
29:58 Yeah, and also like you you got to be prepared to establish all the bank accounts in India like the NRI NRI account like how you're going to maintain once you're there. And the maintaining of the accounts when we were here, we had in the credit union. So, it was little simpler. It was not a commercial bank. So, the credit union was flexible. And I had one credit card open. So, again, that that was helpful because I mean, sometimes when friends came in here, we bought stuff or like it was easier to pay off stuff I mean, the bills and things like that. So, it's yeah, to have one credit card and having the bank preferably in a credit union who's not going to charge you to I mean, for every single thing would be easier. Yes, for sure. There's a lot to think about I think in terms of organizing and you know closing out like how to manage it and then you know the timeline.
30:51 So on the immigration status I'm assuming you are a green card holder or a US citizen currently. Yeah. cool. So thank you very much I know for sharing your story with us in terms of your experience how it was when you first moved and the reasons and the experience you had in India and the reasons to move back and your current thought process about your plans of your stay in US and moving back in there. So really appreciate it you taking the time and sharing your thoughts with us. Yeah thank you so much thanks for this opportunity. So I hope this would be helpful to somebody. Yes. You know guys. Yes. Right.
