Watch: Why This Family Did a 2.5 Year Trial Run in India After 15 Years in Denmark

2:53 Got it. And so how was the life in

2:56 Denmark? >> It's a beautiful place to be. It's a coldest place and Scandinavian culture also allows you to you know explore more. So I definitely recommend for anybody who is moving. It is wonderful place to definitely go give a try, get educated, get you can explore yourself. mostly I would say the work life balance there is very good. So you're not stressed out when you're working. And then when you have small kids especially, I recommend life there is the best because you can give your kids most of your time. So you won't be forced you know not to have leaves or some things like that. So that way I think this that is one of the good best country. >> Got it. So sounds like I think you know work life balance is good. One of the best place to raise young kids.

3:47 So life went by like for 15 years. So what changed or what motivated you know you to give a try like a trial run to India like living in India? >> Yeah. I think that was more because the kids were growing and u at one point of time I used to think they would not have any connectivity to the native country. and I also had a dilemma about you know it is a little emotional but the family that is always drawing us back to India the roots so I was like I think if I have to make a move I have to make a move before they turn 10 >> that was very clear in my mind because if once they cross that age I cannot convince them because they get adapted to the place and also they'll have more influences until 10 I still could influence them to point where you know okay mom is saying we should listen that's the case everywhere so that was the time when I was actually focusing on

4:48 That I was trying to prepare them to give back to India I used to always tell them that we are only four here and papa came here just for work so we have no other bonding here it's just a work and then we have everybody our people there >> so that was one thing and another thing was weather and language so That also used to I mean I used whenever I had free time I used to sit back and think will it let go like this for very long feels little empty and lonely right when you are alone so that time I used to think maybe in case if I am I started feeling like this how about my kids because I have everybody back here and I keep talking to them I have lot of friends I can make but then if this happens to them they it's a question mark right if the same question happens to them at when they are 40 and when they don't not have any roots in India. So that would be a kind of loneliness. So I think that point used to trigger my mind all the time

5:48 When I used to sit idle. I used to think about how about kids. I think we have to do something different. >> Yeah, >> that was one part and I tried them putting them in the English school because we wanted to come back. I tried English. English was comfortable. I tried to put them also in the Danish curriculum because I wanted to see how it really goes because we every time we all meet I mean Indians meet meets happen and the things everybody were trying on their own how to do what to do because they it's just only I think back 10 10 to 20 years that many of the Indians have moved. >> Yeah. We do not have people who have been living for 30 40 years. That were mostly the Punjabi race who were living already but then they were very much integrated. They were never had any plans to come back as you know.

6:35 >> So our Telugu crowd and other state crowds they used to come in just it is as early as 20 years people were all trying. So we never had any confident person who would say this works. So everybody were trying on their own schools and things like that. So I put them also in the Danish curriculum. That's when the racist mindset started to barge >> because we were the only Indians in school. >> Mhm. >> No other person. We could see all were the Indians. So of course we used to speak the language. I mean the elder one used to speak my husband knows. I knew my younger one didn't know. He was learning them. So he had little challenges facing because they speak only Danish. They don't teach English in >> Okay. >> I mean English was the second language. But then because he was trying to learn they would always make an effort to make him keep speaking Danish. So everything would happen only in Danish. Then that's when then his confidence levels started to droop in.

7:31 >> And that was also winter time. So he used to come home and say I don't want to go to school. That was never the case when I joined them. Everywhere they would just go and adjust. >> So he used to say I don't want to go to school. Then I started to ask him why because everybody's bullying. I don't understand what they're talking. They all only talk in the English. They don't talk in English they said but that they had a reason because the kids adapt so well only if they are taught in the same language right so that's why they used to force him to talk in Danish so that was the case only for two to three weeks he picked up then he became very confident he started to talk to the parents also whenever they would come to pick their kids they he would just normally converse with them because he understood that I have to learn the language and I must try. So he was that open. So all this were going well. But then on and off my elder one also got hit many a times because he was one of the smartest kids in the school and he was liked by many because of his discipline and the way he works and things like that.

8:33 He also went from a very good school I must say. >> I put them in the Montisery where there is a lot of discipline and then he went to the bilingual one. So he was a very confident kid. So that's when his classmates who were not up to the mark definitely would feel a little jealous and they started bullying him. One day I got a call from school saying he started to bleed >> because the two boys from his own class started to hit him. He they were also his friends and he was not talking. He was he never told anyone but one of the girls who raised her hand and told the teacher very boldly that Vishuja has been hit by two boys when you were not there then she called me so I had to rush immediately it was the first time I was like mentally disturbed I was like what's going on because we don't have anybody to talk about it in open right so and everything was going very well suddenly I mean why in this school suddenly why what happened and all so he

9:34 Was not speaking at All then after I got him back home my mom was also there at that time so at home so she also she's actually a teacher so she knew how to handle kids so she was also asking him probing him with some questions and all he was not talking it became very silent so then I happened to talk to their the teachers then I started to understand that it was happening from very long but he was not speaking and he got used to the >> wow That was very shocking because he was not talking about it at home. And this was the time when the girl actually from the class she started to complain to the teacher otherwise he would say nothing and I was like why is he you know becoming so introvert and why is he not talking about it? One reason could be that because okay parents are busy maybe they don't listen to me or secondly they would do it the next day in case if he complains maybe he was you know very

10:34 Afraid of the consequences he was not talking about it so that that's when you know that on a serious note I started like I think they this was not working school thing. So that that was when I at some point I thought we have to we had to really make a decision because they were growing and this is cannot be acceptable. >> Yeah. So that was one point and it was as I said it was mostly about focusing on how they would get you know adjusted in any country and it was my focus was mostly on that >> to be very frank >> because wherever we go we get adjusted so that wasn't an issue for us >> then when I came when I came to India in the flight we came by air India my younger one said, "Don't you think this flight is very comfortable?" He said, I said, "Why do you think so?" "Because everybody looks alike. We look

11:34 Like them. They look like us. We don't look odd." He said that to me. >> Wow. And how old was he? >> While we were coming, he was eight. >> I was, "Oh my god, this is getting too much." I think they started to see the difference in how people have started to treat them. And it is a very young age for him to think about it so much. Maybe the kids were doing it to him every day. They were reminding him that he doesn't belong to that place. >> That's definitely when he will get that. It was very mature talk you know in a flight if he said an 8-year-old said I think I'm most comfortable here in the flight everybody know I mean we all look alike he said so okay so that is a very racist point. >> So then I came I registered them and I think we were fine things were going well in the school. They got adjusted and the second one said I like the energy here because they do not suppress my energy.

12:31 >> Yeah. So you are talking about like so you got them registered in the Indian >> Okay. Yes. So this is like a decision curriculum. >> Yeah. So maybe >> because I was already inquiring I was already inquiring. So then I thought okay let's go and give a try and when I came landed here I directly took them. That was the week when the admissions were happening. We were very lucky and fortunate that was the exact time when we came for a wedding. So both of because of the coincidence I joined them in the school. >> Understood. So maybe just like pausing and then rewinding a little bit back here. So thanks for sharing the reasons right. I mean especially like what went into these young minds like especially when you joined them in these Danish schools that triggered the point like for you to seriously consider about >> trying or like living in India. So what was your planning in terms of you and

13:22 Your husband and how you were thinking as these you know reasons to try India is kind of popping up or bubbling up. How did you approach it and what was your plan in terms of trying versus permanently moving versus you know how did you approach it? Maybe you can talk about that and then we can kind of go to the next chapter of life in India. Yeah, the thought process were we always used to write the advantages and disadvantages whenever we had free time you know how to think about what the ch what kind of challenges would we face versus our comfort comfort zone so as I said housing wasn't a problem >> which city to move wasn't a problem our work is a question so I am I have a risk appetite I must say so I am the one who is like very kind of okay I will just resign I can try it out there.

14:14 >> Yeah >> obviously because I think u both cannot do the same thing. So we had to have a standup planning so he he would he definitely would not prefer to do that as well. So I said okay let me try out you be here you because that was when he also moved to another company. >> So I did not want to disturb him. I said you focus on your things you focus on your work. We were very clear on that. >> I said let me focus on the family. Yeah, >> because I knew when I move here it would take a toll on my career and I had to also look at other things and I had to also give a lot of support to my kids when they go to the school because like how it happened in Denmark, it would happen also here because their accent was very different. They wouldn't talk Telugu or English naturally as the others talk. So even here it would be like an alien culture for them until they get used to it. Right.

15:05 >> Yeah. So I was confident on that and I said I told my husband I'm not going to disturb you anyways. >> It is me and the kids. >> So we will try we will see and let's take it from there. That was the commitment. >> Got it. So it's one step at a time. Let's move for the kids and see how it goes and then we evaluate as the things progress. Okay. Understood. So >> yeah as I said everybody would talk about the kids more. Right. So that was the thing. Yeah, it was in my brain that that's when I realized after coming back it was definitely not the kids, it is us. >> Okay. Yeah. Let's get into that. so after the move like how was the

15:45 Adjustment for the kids? I know you mentioned I think you were able to secure a you know a spot in the school like that you want and how did the kids adapt and adjust after the move? Yeah, that they had challenges, big challenges because the first culture shock was when they had to carry lot of books >> to the school and then they wouldn't even know the difference between a textbook and a notebook. So >> that was the funniest part and I I mean when they entered and they started to go to school, I took all the contact numbers of their mentors. >> I had a chat with them. I introduced my kids to them. I told them this is the case so please be careful. I mean please train them and please understand them in case if they get confused because otherwise they will be lost. So I told them very clearly they the mentors are very good at that school. So they used to be very supportive initially.

16:39 >> and they would actually answer to the our requests and pick a phone call whenever needed. So that was one good thing and then as anticipated my elder one had lot of culture shocks. Okay. >> So one day the worst and the funny part was one teacher tore his paper, rolled it and threw it in the dust. >> Oh >> he came home crying. He said I don't want to go to school. She insulted me. She humiliated me. I said why? Said I don't know what the wrong I did but then she tore my page and rolled it and threw it in the dust. I said which which meant her? And then he mentioned then I immediately called her. I said what's wrong? Then he she said no no you have to draw margin said he did not do at sixth standard you have to I never imagined that the kids wouldn't understand this so I was explaining him and he would not understand so I got irritated and then I said please please I beg you please don't do that to my kids because I'm on a trial run and in case if they get irritated I have to go back my bags and go completely you know I told her like this she was like okay

17:41 Now I understand I said please explain him what a margin is and then he will understand give them 6 months of time in case if they cannot not do I I'll be very supportive. Whatever you have in your mind, you please can call me anytime and I will train them at home. I used to tell them that. >> So he had also two or three hits. It was like oh my god the teachers hit here. >> I said yeah they used to hit more when we were small. So now they became very liberal. So some do some I mean sometimes at some places these things do happen but I think it is very if in case if the school is approachable I think these challenges are very small because you face them also abroad it's not that just in India so I want to actually focus on this point many people talk about whether these things happen only in India no it's not the case even in developed countries it happens >> like >> so it's not as polished as we think it's not hitting but then you know some kind

18:42 Of mental trauma or some kind of other challenges >> yeah they do undergo and I think most of the kids kids that live abroad they are little disturbed I mean family wise or something so they show it in the in the schools definitely there is such scenario also outside >> got it and how was how long did the kids u take to get adapted in this school yeah >> six to 8 months. 6 to 8 months. >> Okay. Got it. >> And 8 months they were fine. And now they got into the comfort zone. They know how to score marks. That's another challenge. >> Now my elder one is like I know how to score marks. So you don't have to yell at me or tell me how to study. >> Yes. Got it. And then in terms of

19:28 Like you know your adaptation especially like 15 years in Denmark and moving to India how did it go for you and you know the social life the you know overall the family and everything. >> Yeah it's a lot of adjustment because I don't think it is on the comfort end because Hyderabad is more comfortable weather wise and otherwise also I think this it has good things to offer. for anybody who can come. I think it is easy because they speak all kinds of languages and being it a mother tongue it was easy for us and the family part of course we were only four of us living and here we live with everybody but that was one thing I also wanted to help them so I think that way I saw that they were very happy being with the kids mostly.

20:20 >> Yeah. And one another point I want to tell here is because my husband's office roots are in India. He keeps traveling. >> So that is one good thing that you know he very often he travels to India. So that is also one point that helped us in taking a decision. >> Got it. Makes sense. >> Otherwise it would be really difficult to not to see him for so long. So now the kids know where often he comes. He visits his office. He comes home. Okay, that's good. And I know you were

20:51 Mentioning something about the you know the challenge the unexpected challenges with the health. So maybe you can expand that bit in terms of you know some unexpected things that you know you you have to go through. >> Yeah the as I said everything was I mean kind of I took all the challenges very well and things were going on. We used to fall down then raise fall down then raise all these adventures were happening but one thing I never had in mind was the health challenge. I never expected that we would come here and fall sick for no for no reason. So initially when we were trying to adjust with the school and other things we also had a parallel challenge that was the health challenge. Both my kids got five fevers that was because of denu typhoid.

21:40 So we were like getting adapted to the utmost reality of life. So these things were not very common there. We we used to fall sick but then it was just cold cough sometimes fever because of the cold weather. If you don't go protect yourself outside definitely you would c get cold or things like that. So that was very normal. So we would take only paracetamol not even go to the doctor and just be at home and take care of ourselves with whatever health drinks we could make at in in the Indian kitchen you know right so this is like oh my god wise 103 102 these fevers weren't very we were not familiar with so then that was one thing that I felt it I did not anticipate that and when I spoke to another friend of mine she also moved here for the same reason and they also had to undergo the same challenge. They were in the hospital for 3 months. They went back.

22:34 >> She said I could not take it anymore. I She said it was very difficult without my husband here. So I went back. So they spoke to me when they went back. I said we are still on the same boat. We are sailing and sailing. Let me see how far I can take it. It was hard. It was very hard. It was tough. But u since my intent was very strong. I think I could stay. >> Got it. And so for how long? again you know from the health perspective how long it took for the kids and you to get that immunity back into 6 months >> so it's almost like the first to 9 months it's a like a transition period and you have to be >> yeah got it >> people generally think more about the financial perspective and you know work-wise and things like that but these are all things that you cannot imagine once you come here. so we were like doing lot of networking meeting all the doctors that's when I met and one of the best doctors then he realized he said you're coming from one of the cleanest

23:34 Cities and finest places and here for you to get adapted to this pollution and the dust and the weather it would take time. I think you're he he mentioned that our guts would be very sensitive >> to all this. So that's why he gave some medicines for the guts to be very strong to you know to cope up with whatever is happening here. So that's when you know things went okay then we got better. >> Until then it was very tough. Yeah.

24:05 >> Yeah. So no thanks for sharing the some of the challenges during the transition. So how is everyone doing now? Like it's been about two and a half years. like what's the thought process? >> They're doing good. >> they're doing good. But my elder one keeps asking about Denmark. They have many good friends. And what promise I made when we were moving was that when I I was preparing them mentally. I said you're going to go to the school. You will make many friends. And of course your Denmark friends and your Danish friends and your Indian Indian friends. I am going to be connected with them. So let's make calls whenever possible. I will chat with their parents and let's be in touch with them. So whenever the Indian friends who come to Hyderabad they all meet us they come home every summer they come every December they come. So every time I make it a point that to invite them or to take my kids wherever they are.

24:56 >> So that way they are still we are still connected with families and of course because my husband is still in Denmark. So it makes our life easy that way to be connected with both the countries. >> Got it. so what are is there anything

25:10 That you miss now that you've been living here in T and like from a trial run you gave some perspectives like some of the challenges anything that you miss from Denmark like living in India? >> Yeah I think work is one thing that I would definitely want to reiterate that is more easier. Of course, finding a job is not easier but then you have lot of flexibility in terms of once you get adjusted to the workplace 3 to 6 months would be your probation period wherein you know you have to prove yourself and once they have the confidence there people are very honest and very genuine I mean they mean what they say unlike here >> I see a lot of change because I worked also in a corporate here things were very smooth I don't I don't have any complaints while I worked when we are honest I think everything falls in place and when you get a good manager also things go work when you give your 100% here it's the same way there but then there is a slight change in the work culture here nowadays I see

26:11 Lot of more of competitiveness and you know pulling down on each other and focusing more on what others are doing and things like that those things I think they do happen there >> people are not bothered >> here it's more of you it gets sometimes into your nerves and of course we start to ignore but then I I think we cannot rely on any of our colleagues who can help. Initially when in 2000 I mean until 2009 when I worked team was like a proper college team you know it was like more like classmates people used to share everything and we were I always had a workplace wherein you know people we used to share our knowledge teach each other help each other but that doesn't happen here anymore that's what I've seen.

26:57 >> Got it. >> I worked until last year. Yeah >> I worked until last year and last year I stopped and this whole year I'm taking a break. >> Got it. Okay. And how easy was it to find the job like after moving back from Denmark in India? >> I have my own network so it wasn't very tough for me to get into but I was actually looking into something different for my own sake. So I had more of filtrations than yes >> you know I I got good offers >> but then I couldn't continue because of the timings and I was looking for remote work. I was not ready to go to the office and work. >> Got it. Cool. So what's how how is the

27:37 Future looking for the family? I know it's a trial run. You it's been about 2 and a half years. is there a decision point that you have in mind when you have to make a decision or you take one step at a time? So curious about how the future is looking for the family. >> I think as far as I have my points I think I met all of them. The move part was good. The family part whatever support we wanted to give you already gave. all the tasks are done from our end. So because when we moved it was little disturbing for both the parents because they were living in big independent villas and then they had no support. So we moved them to apartments. Now they are well placed. They have support. They know what to do. They can n navigate on their own. All that part is done >> and also the kids got adjusted. Now the next question comes what next? So now I see the healthare and the education seems to be really challenging

28:39 Here. Of course even I mean we don't go to use many of the healthare systems there in Denmark but then I see that education part is questionable because we are paying high fees here. So the schooling is okay. Once they are done with the schooling, I think when they come to their next roles and next college and you know universities, I think we are not ready to pay so much for them and that really doesn't make any sense because we've already paid so much of an effort to keep I mean train them in Denmark. So that way if I see I think this flexibility has given them adaptability. They have learned resilience. They also learn how to navigate around the roads. The street smartness I forgot to mention that was something I was looking for my boys always.

29:30 >> I when they came they were very shy. Never used to you know talk to pe somebody and people would easily recognize they are coming from another country. I would say sh in the cabs don't talk. But then the cab driver asked are you coming from outside? I was like I told you not to talk. Why the hell did you open your mouth? both of them you know it was like that >> so now at least I feel like a localite we've made a mark okay everybody accept us like a localite so we talk normally like any other person in Hyderabad >> so that part is all done so now the next question comes when for the higher education so we are training them actually to be with an ease with both the nations to be frank so I do not want to influence I I I do not want them to get influenced by any of us. It's their own complete openness and they have to explore on

30:30 Their own. If they like it here, well and good. They can always get adapted. If they like it there, they can always go back. So we wanted to kind of open up these this opportunity for them to better understand what happens and what works for them. So I keep telling them if you are in India you do not have to think about 9 to5 job because there is a lot of scope and potential I can see in India. So for any startup or anything if you want to really grow I think this is the country if you want monotony if you really want to be you know you like it in isolation you just have to mind your own business get your own way you like you go out you don't like you have want to be at home just be cool relaxed don't want to get into anything then that's a better place to be >> got it so sounds like I think it's the kids decision that will determine like you know how the future would unfold old I think taking a step at a time and like let them complete their education and then depending on the universities it would evolve got it so yeah I mean this

31:33 Is an interesting story like where the move is for kids like how the kids adapt

31:37 I think there was one statement that you made we always are more concerned about how kids would adapt but it's more than the kids it's the parents I think you made that statement in our discussion maybe is there anything that you can expand on it like you know it's it's a because that's like most common question that people have hey can the kids adjust that's the biggest thing that they have in mind. But in reality, I don't know if that's the major concern. I think the concern should be something else. So, can you expand like what you realized from this trial run when making that statement? >> that's I think because most of us I mean we want to be independent and I don't think any of us are actually willing to stay with our near and dear ones with the whole family. That's what I can see. I I see that everybody is preferring to be in a nuclear family.

32:26 I come from a nuclear family. So I'm a little not very okay for it because I know the pros and cons. My mom and my dad used to work. So that was that was a period when there were not many people working. Not all the moms used to work. So it was a family that where I always used to miss my grandparents. >> We we had a nuclear family and we used to make decisions. Very independent family. Of course I grew very independent that way. That way it helped me. But then I always wanted to be you know with more of my closed ones and with more of I used to ask my mom why we don't have any grandparents staying with us kind. >> So I was that kind because I would see that they would get more love that way. >> and I while we were in the on the same page I understood that we could not give them lot of attention. We could not hear to their voice all the time. Though I had lot of concern, though my husband had lot of concern, we were always occupied in our own business. So the kids would expect that you know when after we come back home they want to

33:26 Talk so much and explain to us that we missed though I I think out of many I gave them so much of time still I missed on some some things. >> So that was when I thought I think it's not always one or two persons that can handle in a family. So if you have two extra people at home people get I mean the kids get diverted. It's not always you have to answer. It's not always that you have to provide. They will just get diverted. Now I see that they are actually getting engaged so much. And I have my in-laws. We live with our in-laws and I also shifted my mom in the same area. Yeah. >> So she lives also behind. >> So they keep going in their bikes. They keep saying hello to my mom and here they take care of my their grandmothers very well. >> So now I see that it's a kind of an emotion that came out after we moved. I never saw them doing that there because they never had a chance. But here I see that you know they take care of elders so very well. I am so impressed and very happy for that.

34:24 >> Yes. >> I think that is one thing every individual should learn. You know the compassion part. We keep telling treat others the way we like to be treated. That is a statement we make but we never do it. >> But pra in practicality if you deliver that I think the kids adapt to it very well. They don't have that kind of calculation. Why should I do do this to them? Now >> they may ask that question to me but they very well understood that when they need help you have to give it to them. So you should help them so that they are doing it well.

34:55 >> Cool. is there anything that you want to advise to future aspirants in terms of how they should think about their moving back to India decision process or you know the plan. >> Yeah. I keep seeing that people talk about it but I am really not sure if they really mean and how strong is their intent and the mindset and how well trained they are and how clear they are. It's definitely personal and individual. After I moved back many people called me asking for I we want to do that we want to do this and all but that's not always the case because you have to be prepared for everything and you have to have a very open mindset. My take is you we tolerate 100 people outside but we cannot tolerate our own people at home.

35:47 >> So I mean that's my realization. I'm not making a statement in general but I think yeah of course when we go out we have to adjust to many other people right at home two or three extra people we cannot take. So that thing I think we they have to be very clear on where they want to live, which city they have to move and what are the prospects and how very well adapted they can be and initially I think every day you will get a dual mindset. In Denmark it wasn't like this. In India it's like this. When we were there also we used to compare all the time. The mind compares >> and that will definitely happen throughout the day. Whatever you're doing when you're riding a bike when you're driving everything you compare this place with the other place but they are totally different.

36:33 >> No comparison at all. >> To try. >> Yeah. Got it. So yeah thank you very much Mrs. Savia for taking the time sharing your you know trial run India and how it has been going on and some of the you know honest conversations about kids situation you know here in India as well as in Denmark. so really appreciate you taking the time and sharing your story with us today. Thank you very much. Thank you so much Avin for listening to me very patiently >> and yeah and all the very best for your channel and I hope it really reaches good heights because of the intent you have to give an exposure to everybody with your own experience. Very good.

37:20 >> Thanks. Thanks for inviting me. Yeah. >> Yeah. Welcome.