Avoid These Mistakes: Lessons from an Unsuccessful Move to India from Ireland
Daya shares his candid story of moving his family from Ireland to India in 2018—and why it didn't work out. From setting up a diabetic clinic to kids struggling with school culture to COVID closing his business, he reveals the mistakes to avoid and lessons learned.
In this story
Daya's candid story of moving his family from Ireland to India—and why it didn't work out. A rare, honest account of what can go wrong and the lessons every NRI should learn before making the move.
Key Insights from This Story
- Ireland since 2006: Nursing career, became manager
- 3 children born in Ireland: Ages 8-9, 6, and 3-4 at time of move
- Set up diabetic clinic in Kakkinada, Andhra Pradesh
- Kids struggled with school culture—corporal punishment shock
- COVID closed business: Landlord demanded full rent
- Key lesson: Get family 100% aligned before moving
Daya's Background
Daya's journey to Ireland wasn't planned—it happened by circumstance.
The Journey to Ireland
- 2006: Moved to Ireland
- Original plan: Go to Australia (fell through due to miscommunication)
- Profession: Nursing
- Initial intention: Stay for a couple of years, then move elsewhere
- Career growth: Started in hospital, became a manager
Family Situation
- 3 children: All born in Ireland
- Daughter: 8-9 years old at time of India move
- Middle son: 2 years younger than daughter
- Youngest son: 3-4 years old
- Daya: Only son in his family—responsibility toward parents
Why He Wanted to Return
The desire to return built up over time through multiple factors.
The Burnout
- Feeling less motivated at work
- Lost work-life balance—work taking over personal life
- Work started feeling like a burden (used to enjoy it)
- Possibly going through a low period in life
- Didn't seek professional help at the time
The Vision
Daya wanted to use his healthcare knowledge to make a difference:
- Run a diabetic clinic in India
- Bring Western healthcare standards
- Focus on reversing diabetes through education
- Help people monitor blood sugar regularly
The Calculation
Daya did the math:
- Bought house in Ireland during recession (very good price)
- Mortgage was low
- Could rent out the house
- Rental income would cover mortgage + provide cash
- Use that cash to run business in India
- Settle down to a "normal life"
The Diabetic Clinic
Daya set up a comprehensive diabetic clinic in his hometown.
The Setup
- Location: Kakkinada, Andhra Pradesh (his hometown)
- Focus: Reversing diabetes (not curing—it's reversible)
- Approach: Education + monitoring + lifestyle changes
- Problem addressed: Indians don't monitor blood sugar regularly
The Team
- Special dietician
- Special doctor
- Counselors
- 5 staff members total
- Monthly cost: ~₹1 lakh+ (rent ₹35,000 + salaries)
⚠️ The Challenges
- Set up in hometown (not a big city)—limited revenue potential
- People knew he was "just trying to come back"—some tried to take advantage
- Staff worked for money, not passion
- Tried to bring Western staff-friendly culture—people weren't ready for it
- Clinic was covering costs but not making profit
The Approach
Daya was "testing the waters":
- Brought family to India
- But didn't move 100%—still had income from Ireland
- Wanted to see if everything would work before quitting completely
- Shuttled between Ireland and India
Kids' Struggles
This is where things went wrong—and Daya is candid about his mistakes.
⚠️ The Core Problem
The Assumption
Daya assumed his children would adjust:
- Daughter was 8-9 years old—"she will adjust"
- Youngest was 3-4 years old—"too young, will adapt"
- Didn't explain what to expect
- Didn't prepare them for the change
The Reality
For the children, Ireland was HOME:
- They were born in Ireland
- Ireland was their home—Daya was trying to take them away from home
- Different from Daya's situation (he grew up in India)
- The culture shock was in the opposite direction
School Challenges
Finding the right school proved to be a major challenge.
"Good School" vs "Right School"
Daya asked for recommendations and was told about a school that:
- Produces 100% results
- Many doctors and engineers came from it
- Great reputation
But he didn't ask: HOW do they produce these results?
⚠️ Day One Shock
On the first day, Daya's daughter saw a child being beaten by a teacher.
She was shocked. In Western countries:
- Schools pamper children up to a certain age
- No corporal punishment
- Participation medals for everyone
- Not much homework
Indian school reality:
- Competition-focused
- Results-driven
- Heavy homework
- Physical punishment still exists in some schools
The Second School
Daya found a better school with better culture:
- Like a park—big campus
- Top people's children studied there
- Focus on enjoyment, not just results
- Problem: Only daughter got admission, not the sons
- First school had all three together
Specific Issues
| Child | Challenge |
|---|---|
| Daughter | Shocked by punishment culture; things went missing (pencil boxes, etc.) |
| Middle son | Wouldn't use school toilet—rushed home every day (only told parents months later) |
| Youngest son | Missing parents; language barrier in kindergarten (Tamil at home vs local language) |
The Christmas Moment
Christmas 2019, Daya was in Ireland working. He bought his youngest son all his favorite toys—Iron Man, etc.
The son didn't touch the toys.
COVID Impact
Just when things were challenging, COVID made everything worse.
The Timeline
- December 2019: Daya decided to return to Ireland with family
- February 2020: Family back in Ireland
- March 2020: COVID lockdown
- Clinic was still running remotely with promise to return in a month
⚠️ The Business Collapse
- Thought COVID would pass in 2-3 months
- Kept paying rent (₹35,000/month) and half salaries
- Asked landlord to reduce rent—refused
- Landlord knew Daya was abroad, earning in Euros—"let him pay"
- No compromise, no mercy
- Eventually had to forfeit deposit and close business
The Decision
In the middle of COVID, Daya made the call:
- Told landlord: "Keep your deposit, I'm done"
- Closed the business
- Realized: "This is not for me"
- Resumed everything back in Ireland
Key Mistakes Made
Daya reflects honestly on what went wrong.
Not Involving Family in the Decision
It was Daya's vision to go back—he didn't translate this to his family. Should have had family meetings to discuss expectations and prepare everyone.
Spouse Not 100% Aligned
Getting spouse on the same page is critical. Different family backgrounds matter—Daya is the only son (responsibility to parents), but his wife has siblings who can care for her parents.
Assuming Kids Would "Just Adjust"
Children born abroad have a different "home." Ireland was their home—Daya was taking them away from home. This is fundamentally different from his own experience.
Choosing "Good School" Over "Right School"
A school that produces results isn't necessarily right for kids from Western education systems. Should have researched the culture, not just the outcomes.
Having a Plan B
Daya was "testing waters" instead of fully committing. He still had income from Ireland, still shuttling back and forth.
Setting Up in Hometown
Kakkinada is not a big city—limited revenue potential. A bigger city might have worked better for the business, even if less convenient for family.
Lessons Learned
For Families Planning to Move
- Share the vision with spouse—to the dot, precise, clear
- Involve children in discussions—even casually
- Explain what to expect—prepare them for differences
- Research schools for culture fit, not just results
- Be there in person to survey schools
- Understand different perspectives—spouse's family situation may differ
For Business Planning
- Become a local: Understand the local market before setting up
- Location matters: Bigger city = more revenue potential
- Staff culture: Western management styles may not work immediately
- Landlord relationships: Build goodwill, have written agreements
- Commit fully: Testing waters can lead to half-hearted execution
The "Burn the Bridges" Philosophy
Daya references Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich":
Having a Plan B meant Daya wasn't fully committed, which affected execution.
Future Plans
Despite the unsuccessful move, Daya's desire to return hasn't died.
Current Situation
- Back in Ireland
- Kids are happy and settled
- Daughter is a teen now—education is priority
- Need stability and routine for kids
The New Plan
- Wait until youngest son is in college
- Provide financial support for kids' career progression
- Cut the umbilical cord at the right time—like eagles destroying their nest so eaglets learn to fly
- Return to India once kids are independent
- Different city—not necessarily hometown
- Run the business in a better way with lessons learned
Recent India Visit
Last December/January, the family visited India:
- Kids had the best time of their lives
- Now they're older—can think and understand differences
- Know the value of family, grandparents, culture
- Asked: "Can we go back again in 6 months?"
- Huge progress from previously hating visits
The Bigger Perspective
No Right or Wrong
Daya emphasizes there's no right or wrong decision:
India is Still Incredible
Despite the challenges:
- India is still "incredible"
- Awesome people, great food
- Improved son's health (during the stay)
- The calling to return remains
The Schooling Beast
Daya warns about Indian schooling:
- Every school calls itself "International"
- Claims to be inclusive with therapies
- Reality: Focus on academics, not hobbies
- Expectations from young kids are "tremendous"
- Disconnect between marketing and reality
- Google reviews are unreliable—many are paid
Advice: Be there in person to survey schools.
Key Takeaways
Daya's Journey Summary
- Family alignment is critical—spouse and kids must be on board
- Kids born abroad have different "home"—prepare them
- School culture matters more than results for returnee kids
- Commit fully or don't go—testing waters can backfire
- Location matters for business—bigger city = more opportunity
- Build local relationships—landlords, staff, community
- Have contingency plans for unexpected events (COVID)
- The dream doesn't die—learn and try again
Planning Your Return with Family?
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