Podcast

We Never Planned to Move Back to India: Neeta's Story

Neeta never had a childhood dream of going abroad, and she never planned a fixed return to India either. This interview-based story follows her path from MTech to Germany, Melbourne, St. Louis, a painful family event in 2019, four years of long-distance marriage, and finally a return to Patiala.

Avinash

4 May 202616 min read16 min watch

In this story

Key Highlights
What was Neeta's path across Germany, Australia, and the US?
Why was Australia so close to her heart?
What happened in 2019 that changed the return decision?
Why did her husband move first without a job?
How did academic career timing shape the return?
What planning did they actually do before returning?
What was hardest after moving back to India?
How should NRIs prepare for family and in-law adjustment?
What did she learn about loneliness abroad and connection in India?
What lessons should returnees take from Neeta's story?
Related guides
Frequently asked questions

Real Return Stories | Episode #206

We Never Planned to Move Back to India: Neeta's Story

Neeta did not grow up dreaming about life abroad. She went from MTech to Germany because a scholarship opened a door, moved to Melbourne for her PhD, built a life she still misses, then spent two years in St. Louis for postdoc work. The return to India was not a neat master plan. It became unavoidable after family loss, long-distance marriage, and the need to build one shared life in Patiala.

By Avinash, NRI Return Specialist Published: May 04, 2026 | Last updated: May 04, 2026

Germany to Australia St. Louis Postdoc Patiala Return Family Trigger In-Law Adjustment

Key Highlights

Neeta started MTech in 2014, received a DAAD scholarship in her second year, and moved to Germany for research work.
She spent a year in Germany, then applied for a PhD at the University of Melbourne and moved to Australia.
Melbourne became deeply important to her because she loved the city, the multicultural environment, the Indian community, the teaching opportunity, and because she met her husband there.
In 2019, her father had a heart attack and passed away while she and her husband were in Melbourne. The long travel time and emotional strain changed her husband's return decision.
Her husband moved back to India in February 2021 without a job in India, while Neeta stayed abroad to finish her PhD and postdoc path.
They lived through a four-year long-distance marriage while he moved through Hyderabad, Chandigarh, Noida, and finally Patiala.
Neeta went to St. Louis, Missouri, for postdoc work because plant science and agriculture research opportunities there were strong.
When a role opened at Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology in Patiala, she applied and moved back to India.
Her return adjustment was less about missing foreign convenience and more about heat, work-system differences, sharing space with in-laws, and learning to live around relatives again.

High-stakes note

Neeta shared this story in a May 2026 Desi Return interview. It is a personal return story, not medical, mental-health, immigration, tax, or career advice. If your move involves bereavement, therapy, health access, academic hiring, property purchases, or cross-border finances, use the story as a planning prompt and speak to qualified professionals for your exact situation.

What this story answers: What happens when a couple never planned a clean return to India, then life forces the question? In Neeta's case, the answer was not one dramatic resignation. It was a long sequence: scholarship, PhD, COVID, bereavement, a spouse returning first, postdoc decisions, job geography, home investment, and the everyday emotional work of returning to family life after years of living alone.

What was Neeta's path across Germany, Australia, and the US?

Neeta's story starts with a point that many return stories miss: going abroad was not part of her family script. She says nobody in her family had gone abroad before, and moving overseas was not something they regularly discussed. Her original plan was simpler: do MTech, perhaps do a PhD from IIT, and continue from there.

That changed during MTech. She started in 2014, received a DAAD scholarship in her second year, and moved to Germany for research work. She stayed in Germany for a year. From there she applied for a PhD at the University of Melbourne, which took her to Australia.

Australia became the center of her abroad life. She spent most of her time there, completed her PhD journey through COVID, and did a short postdoc there. Later, while she was thinking about returning, her supervisor suggested that she should also consider the US for another postdoc.

That suggestion took her to St. Louis, Missouri, where she stayed for two years. Neeta is a plant scientist, and she describes St. Louis as a strong place for people working with plants and agriculture. Her workplace was excellent, but life outside work did not feel the same as Melbourne.

The final return happened through Patiala. Her husband eventually settled there, and when a position opened at Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology, she applied and got the job. That is when the long overseas chapter finally turned into an India chapter.

Why was Australia so close to her heart?

Neeta liked Germany for order, cleanliness, punctuality, and rules. She also had a real language barrier there. On her first day, without internet and before Google Translate was common for everyone, she had to draw on paper at a reception desk to explain what she needed. She remembers it as funny now, but it shows the practical friction of being in a non-English-speaking environment.

She chose Australia partly because it was English-speaking and partly because she loved teaching. During her PhD, she wanted the possibility of teaching alongside research. Melbourne gave her that, but it also gave her much more: weather she liked, open people, multicultural life, and a large Indian community.

The Indian community mattered because she did not feel completely cut off from food, language, or cultural familiarity. She says there was an Indian restaurant in almost every area, so she did not miss Indian food in the same way.

Melbourne also became personal because she met her husband there. That is why the city is still close to her heart. This is important for readers who assume every returnee leaves because they hated life abroad. Neeta did not hate Melbourne. She still misses it.

Her US experience was different. The workplace in St. Louis was strong, but she did not enjoy the social side. She does not drive, which made life harder, and she did not feel very safe because of St. Louis crime concerns. Two years there were valuable professionally, but not emotionally similar to Australia.

For another interview-based return story with Australia and Germany context, read the Australia and Germany return story after 18 years abroad.

Free tool · no signupShould I move back?Eight questions on money, family, work, and timing — scored, with the gaps named.Open the tool

What happened in 2019 that changed the return decision?

The turning point was not a job offer or a financial calculation. In 2019, Neeta's father had a heart attack and passed away while she and her husband were in Melbourne.

Travel from Melbourne to her hometown took almost two days. She says she had to keep her father's body in cold storage. The experience was mentally taxing, and her husband watched her go through that turmoil from close range.

That day changed his thinking. His own parents were younger than hers, and the event made him decide he would go back to India as soon as possible. This was not a generic "family is important" thought. It was a specific experience of being far away during a family emergency and seeing what that distance can cost.

"On that day he decided that he will go back as soon as possible."

Many NRI families do not plan around this type of moment because it is emotionally uncomfortable to discuss. But it is exactly the kind of moment that turns a theoretical return plan into a deadline. If elder-care proximity is part of your reason, make it explicit before the crisis arrives.

Why did her husband move first without a job?

Neeta's husband moved back to India in February 2021, when a short lockdown window in Melbourne opened. He moved after his PhD and, according to Neeta, he returned without a job in India.

That created a four-year long-distance marriage. It was not a romantic ideal or an easy arrangement. It was the practical result of two academic careers moving at different speeds. He could return sooner. She still had to finish her PhD and make the right postdoc decisions for her field.

She submitted her PhD in June 2021, and the final completion was done by December 2021. At that point, her husband's situation and her own field requirements were different. He is an aerospace engineer, and in engineering, she says postdoc work is not as necessary for academia as it can be in life sciences. Neeta is a plant scientist, so she felt postdoc experience was important.

That difference explains why one spouse could return first while the other stayed abroad. It also explains why "just move back together" is often too simplistic for academic couples. Field norms, supervisor advice, job openings, and city geography can all pull the timeline apart.

How did academic career timing shape the return?

After her PhD and short postdoc in Australia, Neeta went to St. Louis for another postdoc. She says her supervisor suggested the US when she was deciding whether to move back. For plant science and agriculture research, St. Louis made professional sense.

Meanwhile her husband moved through several Indian cities: Hyderabad, Chandigarh, Noida, and finally Patiala. Once he landed a government assistant professor position in Patiala, they saw it as the point where the repeated moving could stop.

Neeta did not immediately have a position there. About seven months after his job, an opening came up at Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology in Patiala, in biotechnology. She applied because her husband was stationed there, and she was grateful to get the job.

This is one of the most practical parts of the story for academic NRIs. The return decision is not only "India or abroad." It is also "which city can support both careers?" For a couple, one person landing in India does not automatically solve the second person's work path.

If your return depends on jobs, do not treat city selection as an afterthought. Build a two-career map: spouse location, universities or employers in that city, realistic openings, field-specific expectations, salary range, commute, housing, and family support.

What planning did they actually do before returning?

Their planning had two clear parts: home investment and moving light.

Neeta says they decided early that they wanted to invest in a home because she did not want to stay in rentals. They invested in a house when her husband was in Chandigarh, then later in a house in Patiala. Her reasoning was part emotional and part financial: she wanted stability, and she also felt real estate was likely to keep going up.

That does not mean every returnee should buy immediately. The lesson is more precise: know whether your first-year plan depends on rental flexibility or home stability. Neeta valued stability strongly. Another family with uncertain jobs, schools, or city choice may need the opposite approach.

The second planning choice was baggage. Neeta was clear that she did not want to take many things back. When she moved from Australia to the US, she had three suitcases. When she moved from the US to India, she again had three suitcases. Whatever she had accumulated, she left behind.

That minimalism reduced logistics, but it was still emotionally difficult. Many returnees underestimate the emotional cost of leaving accumulated belongings behind. The question is not only shipping cost. It is what you want your first month in India to be about: unpacking a life from abroad or building the next one.

For the broader move sequence, use the NRI moving back to India checklist. For money, property, accounts, and tax sequencing, use the financial checklist for NRIs moving back to India.

What was hardest after moving back to India?

Some return adjustments were predictable. In the interview, Neeta says she came back in June the previous year, and the heat was difficult. She says it was really hot. Food, on the other hand, was a clear positive. She loves the food.

The bigger work adjustment was system order. She was used to a certain way of working abroad. In India, she felt that order was missing in places, and she was still adjusting. Her response is not to complain from outside the system. She says that when you become part of a new system, you also have to mold yourself and get comfortable with things.

That sentence is useful because it avoids both extremes. She does not pretend everything is smooth. She also does not treat every difference as proof that returning was wrong. She is learning the system while becoming part of it.

Healthcare access also came up in the interview. Neeta describes an after-hours medical scare in Sydney where she was taken to emergency and waited alone for more than five hours before a doctor saw her. Her point was not that India's healthcare system is perfect. Her point was that in India she feels there are more immediate options for getting something checked, even when the hospital may not classify it as an emergency.

If healthcare is part of your return calculation, separate emotional comfort from financial planning. Read the health insurance guide for NRIs moving back to India before you rely only on family doctors, local contacts, or out-of-pocket assumptions.

How should NRIs prepare for family and in-law adjustment?

This was Neeta's biggest emotional preparation area. She had lived alone for about 10 to 11 years. Even as a child, she was used to having her own space because her sisters were much older. Returning to a shared family environment was not automatically easy.

She was skeptical about living with family, so she started therapy before moving in. Her goal was to get her mental state in order before entering a home where her in-laws, relatives, and visitors would naturally be part of daily life. She also says her in-laws are more conservative, which made preparation more important.

The practical advice she gives is simple but mature: keep empathy. If you are living with them for the first time, they are also living with you for the first time. Adjustment goes both ways. They have to adjust to your personality, and you have to adjust to theirs.

She warns that rigidity creates friction. If you return with a fixed belief that your way is the only correct way, every small difference becomes a fight. If you try to understand why someone has a certain way of living, the same situation becomes easier to navigate.

"If you are living with them for the first time, they are also living with you for the first time."

This is especially important for NRIs who have lived independently abroad for years. The return is not only an address change. It is a change in space, privacy, noise, expectations, routines, and emotional boundaries.

What did she learn about loneliness abroad and connection in India?

Neeta says social isolation abroad is real. She has seen people become isolated because of lack of circle or because their personality made it harder to build a community. When near and dear ones are not close, isolation can take over your life.

Her contrast with India is the relationship layer. Parents, school friends, relatives, or someone else may check on you. She feels India gives more importance to relationships than to an isolated individual existence. For her, that means she usually has somebody to talk to.

She also adds a useful age point. In your 20s, you may have more energy, more openness, and more willingness to meet many people. As you grow older, your tolerance and your willingness to spend energy on new people may change. The abroad life that felt exciting at 25 may feel lonelier at 35 or 40.

That does not mean everyone should move back because of loneliness. It means social design should be part of the return plan. If you stay abroad, design community there. If you return to India, do not assume community will happen automatically. Build it around city, family, friends, spouse, children, work, and emotional bandwidth.

What lessons should returnees take from Neeta's story?

Neeta's story is not a neat checklist story, but it produces a useful checklist.

Do not confuse "loved abroad" with "should never return"

Neeta loved Melbourne and still misses it. The return decision still made sense because family, spouse location, career timing, and support changed the equation.

Plan for emergencies before they happen

Her father's death in 2019 made distance feel very real. Families with aging parents should discuss emergency travel, elder care, decision authority, and realistic response times before a crisis.

Respect two-career geography

Her husband returned first, but her own academic path needed PhD completion, postdoc experience, and the right opening in Patiala. Couples need city plans that work for both people.

Prepare emotionally for shared space

After 10 to 11 years of independent living, Neeta prepared for in-law adjustment through therapy and empathy. That may matter as much as logistics.

Buy or rent based on stability, not pressure

Neeta wanted home stability and invested early. Another family may need rental flexibility. The right choice depends on job certainty, city certainty, cash flow, and family needs.

Move light if your life is changing fast

Three suitcases from Australia to the US and three from the US to India made her logistics simpler. It also forced her to leave things behind.

If your return is still half emotional and half practical, put both sides on paper. The practical side includes taxes, bank accounts, insurance, phone-number continuity, housing, school or career timing, and first-year cash flow. The emotional side includes parents, grief, spouse alignment, privacy, family boundaries, and community.

For phone and account access during the move, use the guide to keeping your US, UK, or Canada phone number active in India. For tax-residency timing after return, use the RNOR status guide for returning NRIs.

Frequently asked questions

Why do NRIs move back to India even when they never planned to return?

Neeta's story shows that return decisions are often triggered by family events, career timing, and the need for support rather than by a childhood plan. Her husband decided to return after her father passed away in 2019 while they were in Melbourne. He saw how hard it was for her to travel almost two days to her hometown and manage the situation from abroad. That event changed the family's long-term direction, even though Neeta still had to finish her PhD and postdoc path before returning.

What should academic professionals plan before returning to India?

The transcript shows that academic timing can be different for different fields. Neeta's husband is an aerospace engineer and could move back after his PhD without needing a postdoc in the same way. Neeta is a plant scientist, and for life sciences she felt postdoctoral experience mattered. She completed her PhD, did postdoc work in Australia and St. Louis, then applied to Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology in Patiala when her husband had settled there. Returning academics should map field norms, postdoc expectations, city constraints, and spouse location before resigning or relocating.

Is social isolation abroad a real reason to move back to India?

Yes, it can be. Neeta says she has personally seen people abroad become isolated because of lack of circle, introverted personality, or because near and dear ones are not close by. Her contrast is that in India, parents, school friends, relatives, or someone else often checks on you. She does not say every abroad life is lonely, but she does say the relationship layer in India gives her someone to talk to and makes isolation less likely to take over.

How should NRIs prepare to live with in-laws or extended family after returning to India?

Neeta prepared for this before moving back. She had lived alone for about 10 to 11 years and was used to her own space, so sharing a home with in-laws and relatives visiting was a major adjustment. She started therapy before moving in so her mental state was steadier. Her practical advice is to keep empathy, remember that they are also living with you for the first time, and avoid being rigid about every way of doing things.

Should NRIs ship everything when moving back to India?

Neeta chose the opposite approach. She moved from Australia to the US with three suitcases and from the US to India with three suitcases, leaving most accumulated things behind. That does not mean every family should do the same, especially if children, furniture, or professional equipment are involved. But her story is a useful reminder that reducing baggage can simplify the move when your bigger priorities are career, family, and emotional adjustment.

Planning a return where family, career, and emotional adjustment all overlap?

Map the move before the flight: parent proximity, spouse location, academic or job timing, housing, health access, phone-number continuity, finances, privacy, family boundaries, and first-year support.

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This is most useful if your return decision is not only about money, but also about parents, spouse alignment, loneliness, shared family space, and a career path that has to land in one Indian city.

Chapters

0:00 Introduction
4:20 Life Abroad
6:38 Social Life Reality
9:00 Why Return to India
13:21 Planning
16:50 Living with Family in India
18:26 Advice

Transcript

Auto-generated captions, lightly cleaned

0:00 My father had a heart attack, and we were in Melbourne at that time, and he passed away. So, my husband saw me go through that turmoil. So, like it takes almost 2 days from here from Melbourne to my hometown. So, I had to get my father's body in a cold storage, and it was really, really mentally taxing. So, he saw all of that, and then his parents are actually younger than mine. My parents So, on that day he decided that he will go back as soon as possible. I was always a little bit skeptical about living with the family. So, I did take started taking some therapy sessions before moving in so that I get my mental state in order a little bit.

0:48 Because his parents are also a little bit on the conservative side. So, that is where I I think spent most of my energy and preparation. They have personally seen a lot of people that get isolated when they live abroad because of either lack of circle or, you know, either being an introvert kind of personality. >> [music] >> Thanks a lot, Nita, for joining us.

1:39 Let's start a bit about your background and what made you to go abroad. >> Hi, Avinash. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my journey on your podcast. So, I did my intake in from IIT Kharagpur back in 2014, I started up and then in my second year I got DAAD scholarship. So, I moved to Germany for my research work. I stayed in Germany for a year. and then from there I applied for a PhD at University of Melbourne in Australia. That made me move from Germany to Melbourne in Australia. I spent most of my time in Australia. I really love Melbourne. still miss it every day. So, after doing my PhD, that happened like COVID came during my PhD. So, I was kind of like stuck in Australia. Did short postdoc there.

2:38 And then at that time you were deciding to move back to India. So, my supervisor suggested that before moving I should go to US for another postdoc. So, I applied in the United States and I got an opportunity to go there. finally, I think I stayed there for 2 years. in St. Louis, Missouri. I did my postdoc and then I applied here then my husband finally settled in India. At we like we had one particular station where both of us could be. So, there was this there's this university known as Thapar Institute of Engineering and Technology in Patiala. So, I just looked for an opportunity here because my husband was stationed in Patiala. So, as soon as an opportunity opened up, I applied. And I was grateful that I got the job and then finally moved back to India.

Read the full transcript (23 more sections)

3:32 >> Got it. Were you always have this you know, dream or plans to go abroad? >> No, never actually. I never thought that I would go abroad and none of my family has ever been abroad. So, it was not something that we used to talk about or was in any of my ambition list. I thought that after doing M.Tech, I'll do a PhD from IIT itself and will continue. But when I went to IIT, I saw this opportunity of a sandwich program model. And I thought why not just see how it goes and then after that one thing led to another. and it just kept happening there. >> Got it. And so how was the life abroad?

4:19 Like I think you mentioned that you

4:20 Loved your time and still miss Australia right now. so how was the life overall between these three continents? >> so I really loved Germany because I have OCDs. And for the people who have OCD for time, cleanliness, you know, rules and regulations, Germany was an amazing place to be. Initially when I went there, it was a little bit difficult to understand people. I still remember that my first day at the reception, I was drawing on a paper to make the other person understand what I was saying. This was back in 2015 and not everyone was using Google Translate and I did not have internet as soon as I reached there. So that was quite fun. I chose to move to Australia because of the language.

5:11 Australia is an English-speaking country and I am very fond of teaching. So I wanted that during my PhD, I can still teach. So I did not stay in Germany anymore. I moved to Australia. Australia was amazing in terms of the weather is great. the people are great. It's it's a fun life. like everyone is open in terms of you know, talking to you or helping with you. In Germany, that was a little bit lacking because of the language barrier, but here because of ease of communication, more multicultural experience was there. Plus, there is a huge Indian community in Australia, so you don't miss Indian food so much. You have an Indian restaurant in every nook and corner. so, that was nice. And also, I met my husband in Australia, so Melbourne is very close to my heart.

6:04 With this and that, it was a So, yeah. US, I did not enjoy that much. because I don't know how to drive. And if you don't drive, your social life kind of, you know, gets hampered. and I did not feel very safe there because I was in St. Louis, and St. Louis is known for its crime rate. So, two years, my workplace was amazing, but after that, my social life was not that good.

6:40 The social aspect of things, sometimes I feel like that is very important to bring to light. So, I have personally seen a lot of people that get isolated when they live abroad because of either lack of circle or, you know, either being an introvert kind of personality. So, when you are abroad, because you don't have your near and dear ones very close to you or you don't have that many number of people surrounding you, that isolation can really take over your life. But in India, I still feel like you must have somebody or the other checking on you. So, you know, either your parents checking on you in person or your friends from school or somebody, the level of connection is a little bit high that I feel like in terms of, you know, giving importance to relationships rather than having that individual sense of existence. So,

7:42 I feel like that is something that I really enjoy here, that I always have somebody to talk to whenever I go home. second thing is at any point of time you can have any service that you require. So, I still remember in Sydney I broke my foot at 10:30 in the night. So, I had a fracture in my feet. and then I was taken to the emergency and I was just sitting there alone for more than 5 hours before the doctor even came to see me. And at that hour in the night, there was no other option for me to go and get it checked instantaneously, you know? But in India, we have those options available. Like if you need a there is a medical emergency and even if it's not emergency from the hospital's point of view, but you need to get it checked, you still have options available to do that.

8:38 >> Yeah. >> So, that is something I feel like it's also the opportunities are not opportunities, but the options are more in India. >> Yes. >> And then customer service is always way better here compared to any other country.

9:00 So, back in 2019, my father had a heart attack. And we were in Melbourne at that time and he passed away. So, my husband saw me go father's body in a cold storage and it was really really mentally taxing. So, he saw all of that and then his parents are actually younger than mine, my parents. So, on that day he decided that he will go back as soon as possible. So, as soon as his PhD finished and there was like a week in February 2021 where the lockdown was lifted from Melbourne.

9:47 So, he was able to fly back to India. So, he moved back to India in 2021. >> Got it. >> And yeah, we were in a 4-year distance marriage after that. >> Why US? I mean, he he he I think he's it like supposed to help like from your career. >> I'm a plant scientist and St. Louis has the highest number of plant scientists per meter squared. So, St. Louis is like heaven for research for a person who works with plants and agricultural side of things. So, that is why I targeted that city and applied at the center. And the center at which I was working is excellent and it's only research-oriented. There were no teaching activities associated with it. So, I wanted some time just in a lab where we do only research, no teaching, no administration-related work, just research. So, that is why I chose there.

10:41 Plus, according to my supervisor's opinion, when we applied back in India the experience of research done in US is given a little bit more weightage than other countries. So, they thought that it would be beneficial for me and indeed I think it helped me. >> So, just to confirm like you I think you and your husband has decided at the time like in 2019 that you know, you want to move back to India. So, sounds like immediately after his PhD he he just chose to move back to India without even trying to apply or work or in Australia. >> No. He just without any job in India, he just came back.

11:29 And were you almost in the verge of completing your PhD and post like at the time or >> Yeah, so I completed my PhD so I submitted my PhD in June 2021 and final thing was done by December 2021. So I was also almost done. The reason that he could move so easily at that time was he is an aerospace engineer. So in the engineering areas you don't need a post doc. Like it's not very very necessary to get a get into academia. But for me from life sciences background a post doc is a necessity for you to get the good job after your PhD. So that's why I decided to still continue there get some post doc real experience before applying to academics in India.

12:23 >> Got it. Makes sense. so was your husband also in the academic world like you >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also an assistant professor. So he moved quite a bit. So he was in Hyderabad for a while then he moved to Chandigarh, then he moved to Noida back again, then finally he landed a government position. so he's an assistant professor in one of the government colleges in Patiala. So at that time we were like okay now done no moving around. So Patiala will be the place where we will stay. And it was good for me also because this institute is there and it has a department of biotechnology where I could also apply. So then we just waited for I think after he landed a job 7 months later this position opened up and I applied for it.

13:21 >> Was there anything on the planning side that you and your husband thought through whether it's from logistics, financial, like you know, moving from continents to different continent or back to India, anything that you can talk about. >> so, in terms of planning, I think we decided that we'll invest in a home early on because I didn't want it to stay in a rented and so, that's what we did. We invested in a house when he was in Chandigarh, then we invested in a house back in Patiala because I feel like real estate is always going up. >> [snorts] >> so, that was from investment point of view and from financial planning point of view, plus we do our savings and other things are in order like like usually how people plan for their financial stability, right?

14:14 Then moving wise, I was very clear that I'm not going to take a lot of things back with me. So, even when I moved from Australia, I had three suitcases. Then when I moved from US to India, I had three suitcases. So, no matter what whatever things I accumulated anywhere, I just left it behind while moving. so, that was a little bit difficult. but I think I I I got that a little bit okay. I think it's very nice to be back at home, but I have lived alone for you know, almost 10 11 years and even when I was a kid, I was the youngest like my sisters are 11 and 10 years older to me. So, I'm more of a lonely kind of person. When you talk about space at home and all of that, so it was a bit challenging after coming back and sharing your space with your in-laws and

15:16 You know, people come, your relatives come and visit which I'm not very used to. So, that was a little bit of a challenge. Then the heat is a challenge like extremely hot here. So, I came in June last year. That the time also it was really really hot. food is great. Love the food. and work wise it took me some time. I think I'm still adjusting because you know, being used to a certain way of order that order is a little bit missing, I would say. So, that has been a challenge. Still is some days.

16:02 But I think when you're part of a new system then you have to start molding yourself as well with the system and get comfortable with things. So, I think that's what I'm doing right now. But, I state in order a little bit. because his parents are also a little energy and preparation that how I will live with more people so that I will back into okay with people being in my space.

16:51 I mean, I think you touched on a very subtle and an important point. I know this is a concern for a lot of you know, some families, right? I think especially you know, co-living together or you know, they might not have some Is there anything specific or a tactical things like because you before moving itself like you thought about it, you kind of prepared and also like it's been about a year since you moved. Anything that you know, you expected and then the reality or any tips that you would suggest for someone who might be thinking along the similar lines. >> Yeah, I would say that people need to keep empathy in their minds. Then second of all, they need to remember that if you are living with them for the first time, they are also living with you for the first time. So, it goes both ways. That they also need to adjust to your personality and you also need to make adjustments to their personality. So, I think keeping an open mind and having that empathy in terms of

17:51 Understanding why somebody has a certain way of life and why they have a certain style of doing things that might be different from yours is very much required. So, if you are very stringent in the way you think that oh no, I think that this is right or this is right, this has to be this way, then that will create friction. So, I believe that having that sense of understanding and thinking from other's person's point of view with some empathy in your heart is very much required.

18:27 So, I think in this loneliness and isolation concept, age is also a huge factor. So, when I moved to Melbourne or Germany, I was still in my 20s, right? So, at that time you have a very different energy. You are more open to people, more accommodating to people and at the time making friends is also a little bit easier. But, as you grow older, I feel like your intolerance for people increases and you start making the decisions that who do you want to give your energy to. And you don't want to give your energy to everybody. And you start choosing people very very carefully and removing people also becomes a very, you know, key aspect of your living.

19:16 So, I feel like that's what I experienced. So, in Germany, I was very young. I was in my party doing phase and I used to meet so many people, talk to so many people, and nothing used to bother me at that time. >> Then, when I moved to Melbourne, again, I was younger. In the beginning, during my PhD, we were all the students and going out in groups was a very common thing. But, later, my circle kept shrinking and towards the end, we were just three very close people friends together. >> So, and then, when I went to St. Louis, most of the time, I just used to think that if I shared a friendship with this person, is it going to become like something that stresses me out?

20:05 Or is it going to be a chill aspect of my life? >> So, based on some experiences that, okay, this person did not work out, that did not work out, then I sort of made a decision that, okay, these few people are good to talk to. I just don't want to expand my circle more than this and I'm just going to hang out with them. That's all. So, that is something I feel like it's maybe not a country Maybe a age thing. But, like if you have spent your childhood in India, you have your older friends around more. So, even if you're not meeting everyone on a daily basis, but you still during your holidays or weekends, you still have this There is You can still make plans to go, to drop at their home, or just meet with them casually. So, that is still there. And making new friends is still challenging here, also. Same thing. So,

21:07 Now, most of the people are in a family stage or a couple stage. So, then you also have to think from the point of view whether our kids will be okay with their kids or, you know, whether their husband or wife will be okay with my partner or not. So, those things become a part of your life which also plays a major role in how social or good your own social life is. So, yeah. >> Makes sense. Well, thanks a lot for sharing that. Really appreciate it. So, yeah, thank you very much Nita for taking the time, sharing your story, and I wish you all the best with everything. >> Thank you, Avinash. Thank you so much. It was fun talking to you. >> Yeah, same here. >> Have a great day.

Podcast

We Never Planned to Move Back to India: Neeta's Story

Avinash

4 May 202616 min read16 min watch

In this story

Key Highlights
What was Neeta's path across Germany, Australia, and the US?
Why was Australia so close to her heart?
What happened in 2019 that changed the return decision?
Why did her husband move first without a job?
How did academic career timing shape the return?
What planning did they actually do before returning?
What was hardest after moving back to India?
How should NRIs prepare for family and in-law adjustment?
What did she learn about loneliness abroad and connection in India?
What lessons should returnees take from Neeta's story?
Related guides
Frequently asked questions

Real Return Stories | Episode #206

We Never Planned to Move Back to India: Neeta's Story

By Avinash, NRI Return Specialist Published: May 04, 2026 | Last updated: May 04, 2026

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