Back to India After 18 Years Abroad: Balancing Kids, Career & Identity | Australia & Germany

Educational Background

• Masters in Geography from Bombay
• Second Masters in Development Studies from Pune
• Lecturer for 1 year at St. Andrew's College, Bombay
• PhD from School of Public Health, Australia

Career Focus

Sheila works on women's issues and women's empowerment—a focus since 1998. She wrote a book on transnational Sati while in Germany and has done projects on Beti Bachao and the handloom sector, both focused on women's empowerment.

PhD Challenges in India (Late 1990s)

• Needed an MPhil to even start a PhD
• Required one-year coursework
• For someone with a family, almost impossible to do one-year coursework
• Both spouses were earning—couldn't afford to stop
• Scholarship options limited to NET JRF (Junior Research Fellow)

The Move to Australia

Her husband got an IPRS scholarship for PhD in Australia. They were almost at the point of purchasing a house in Delhi when the opportunity came.

Sheila had just gotten a direct ICSSR JRF appointment at CWDS (Centre for Women's Development Studies)—a government job. But she couldn't manage on a single salary in Delhi.

Decision: Leave the government job and move to Australia with her 2.5-year-old son.

The Lonely Period

The first 1-2 years in Brisbane were very lonely:

• Husband doing his PhD
• Son going to school
• Houses 30 meters apart—"even if somebody's dead in your neighbor's house, you won't know"

Son's Language Struggle

The son was a "pakka Hindi speaking" child—he would correct Sheila's Hindi. They forced him to switch to English:

He faced racism in nursery school—kept separate with another Indian child while Australian kids participated in programs.

But his school (Ironside School, Brisbane) was good, and teachers were nice. Eventually, he became really good in English and well-settled.

Sheila's PhD

Eventually, Sheila got the same IPRS scholarship and started her PhD. Second son was born in Australia. They had a very good daycare. Everything was going fine.

⚠️ The Sudden Uprooting

Germany was not in their radar at all. Sheila was getting part-time jobs while doing her PhD. Her husband had finished his PhD and was struggling to get a job in Australia.

This uprooted what Sheila was just starting to build. The children were well-settled—elder son in Class 1, speaking Australian English.

Culture Shock in Germany

• Darkness at 4:45 PM—"like suddenly going to the North Pole from a bright area"
• Didn't know a single word of German
• Made to look like a fool—couldn't read instructions, going up and down lifts not knowing exit
• People made fun thinking she was illiterate—"actually the fact is you can read it but you don't know what it means"

Daycare Challenges

Daycare centers in Germany were not as good as Australia. Sheila was finishing her PhD remotely, staying in contact with supervisors. It was a big struggle.

Research Success Despite Challenges

Sheila made the best of her situation:

• Got two competitive fundings from German Research Foundation (DFG)
• Project on Sati in India
• Project on Varna concept—Indo-German comparison
• Had to network with professors, write proposals, submit them

The Harsh Reality

The day your funding finishes, they don't want to give you a penny.

They don't want to support your position at all. As long as your position is supported by external funding, they're happy. The day funding is over: "Pack your bags."

Then you're down to looking for odd jobs.

The Habilitation Requirement

In Germany, to become a professor, you need habilitation—essentially a second PhD, and it must be from Germany.

Sheila had a conversation with her supervisor:

The supervisor wasn't even German—he was from the USA. But younger colleagues, 20 years her junior, were doing habilitation and becoming professors.

The Breaking Point

When her husband suggested she do odd jobs again (10 years after doing them in Australia), Sheila refused:

Elder Son's Journey

The Breakdown at Lidl

At a Lidl store (German grocery chain), the elder son started sobbing:

German children were "ruggish"—they pull and push, and teachers don't intervene. He was getting physically pushed around at school.

Sheila's response: "You learn the language. Whatever you want is right here, but it's all in German."

The poor child had to learn a completely alien language for the second time in his life.

Younger Son: Four Languages

The younger son was exposed to four different languages growing up:

• Tamil
• Hindi
• English
• German

Result: He didn't talk for 1.5 years. Eventually started talking and went to German government school.

⚠️ Racism Incident: School Suspension

In Class 5-6, the younger son faced a different kind of racism. Teachers flagged a WhatsApp group chat as "cyber crime"—but it was just 4th-5th graders having banter with emojis (thumbs up, laughing faces).

Sheila and her husband were called to school. They looked at the material—nothing like cyber crime.

The pattern: Only 3 students were cornered—all immigrant students. One boy whose father was a principal in another school had been teased, but only immigrant kids were targeted.

Sheila lost her temper: "Do you even have children? This is not cyber crime—just look at this. Normal children having a good time."

But her husband, after 18 years abroad, had become "tuned into following rules." He signed the suspension letter.

Result: The son was suspended for a week and failed one year—for no fault of his.

The Decision

Sheila tried to convince her husband: "Come, let's go back. You've hit a glass ceiling. I've hit a glass ceiling."

Neither was getting a professor position in Germany.

Sheila moved back alone because her husband had his own apprehensions.

💡 CIM Program: Help for Returning Migrants

Germany has the CIM (Centre for International Migration and Development) program that helps academics and workers who studied/worked in Germany return to their home countries.

• Organizes missions where you can come to India
• Helps find jobs
• Sheila got involved with them and was in India on a mission

Fortunately, she found her job before they could help—applied to Jadavpur University, Pondicherry University, and University of Hyderabad.

Younger Son's Transition (9th Grade)

The younger son came from a German-medium government school. English was his second language.

Indian diaspora said: "He's going to fail in mathematics. He's going to fail in English."

Reality:

• Indian teachers were very accommodating—knew he'd made a complete cultural change
• Friends helped with studies
• Went to Meridian School with French as second language (not Hindi)
• Wanted to stay after 10th because he had good friends
• Now finished 12th, applying to NMIMS for BBA

Why India Works for Sheila

As an academic working on women's empowerment:

She's done two projects since returning: one on Beti Bachao, one on the handloom sector—both on women's empowerment.

💡 India Has Changed

The digitization in India since Sheila left 18 years ago is remarkable:

• UPI payments—from vegetable vendors to shopping malls
• Passport applications—used to be cumbersome, now easy
• Aadhaar card
• Voter ID
• Banking

The Reality Check

Once you have job and finances sorted:

You might face some hiccups, but nothing major—something you can manage.

Sheila's 18-Year Journey

• Glass ceiling abroad: Despite PhD and research funding, no professor position without German PhD
• Kids struggled: Multiple languages, racism, unfair school suspension
• CIM program: German program helps migrants return home
• India works: Now Associate Professor, contributing to women's empowerment research
• Son adapted: From German school to 12th grade in India, now applying to NMIMS
• Smooth landing: UPI, digitization, help available—easier than abroad

Official Resources

• CIM — Centre for International Migration and Development
• Wikipedia — University of Hyderabad

Related Articles

• Quality of Life in India: 17 Years Experience — Another perspective on returning
• NRI Financial Planning Guide — Managing finances when returning
• How NRI Kids Adapt to Schools in India — Curriculum and language challenges