Why Move Back to India NOW After 14 Years in US: Bilkish's Family Journey
Bilkish spent 14 years in the US (Phoenix and LA) before deciding to move back to India in 2025. She shares how she got her initially reluctant husband and 11-year-old daughter onboard, planned the entire move in just 3 months, and how the DesiReturn community helped with their transition.
In this story
- Key Takeaways from Bilkish's Journey
- 🎓 Bilkish's Background: From Marriage to America
- 🇺🇸 Life in the US: Phoenix to LA
- 🤔 The Nagging Feeling: Do I See Myself Retiring Here?
- ⏰ The Triggering Factors in 2025
- 💑 Getting Spouse Onboard: The Art of Discussion
- 📋 Planning the Move in 3 Months
- 📍 Choosing Chennai and Finding Housing
- 👧 Daughter's School and Adjustment
- 🤝 How DesiReturn Community Helped
- 💡 Advice for Others: Don't Overthink
- ❓ Frequently Asked Questions
- 📚 Related Articles You May Find Helpful
Bilkish spent 14 years in the US before moving back to India in 2025 with her husband and 11-year-old daughter. She shares how she navigated getting her initially reluctant spouse onboard, planned the entire move in just 3 months, and how the DesiReturn community helped with their transition to Chennai.
Key Takeaways from Bilkish's Journey
- Spent 14 years in US (Phoenix initially, then LA) before moving to India in 2025
- Daughter was 11 years old, about to enter 6th grade - "now or never" timing
- Got reluctant husband onboard through discussions, not demands
- Planned and executed entire move in just 3 months (March to June 2025)
- Sold primary home, kept rental property as investment
- DesiReturn community helped with financial planning, housing, and validation
- Key advice: "Don't overthink - once you decide, move fast"
The Triggering Question: "I would always ask myself - do I see myself retiring in US? My husband was very content in US, he loved the routine, the life there. Even I was happy, but there was this always nagging feeling. Do I see myself retiring in US? I could not."
🎓 Bilkish's Background: From Marriage to America
Unlike many NRIs who actively plan their move abroad for education or career, Bilkish's journey to America was different. She got married and moved to the US with her husband who was on H1B visa.
The Unplanned Move
Bilkish didn't have any plans of moving to the US for education or career. It was purely her husband's choice, and she followed as a spouse.
- Initial location: Phoenix, Arizona
- First priority: Getting driver's license (husband gave her the manual as soon as she landed)
- His wisdom: "You need to get going over here. For everything you need a car and you cannot be dependent on me for anything."
In hindsight, Bilkish recognizes how important that early push for independence was. The longer you wait to get your license in the US, the harder life gets. She failed the driving exam once or twice but kept pushing, and within about a year, she was driving independently.
🇺🇸 Life in the US: Phoenix to LA
Bilkish's American journey spanned two major cities over 14 years, with LA becoming their true home.
Phoenix: The Starting Point
In Phoenix, the Indian community was smaller. They bought a home there and had their daughter. But after about 4 years, a career opportunity led them to make a significant move.
Los Angeles: Where Home Was Built
Why LA Became Home
- Much bigger Indian community with similar mindsets
- Bilkish started working in IT
- Built great memories over the years
- Daughter made amazing friends in an all-Indian community after they bought their home
- Lived there much longer than Phoenix
🤔 The Nagging Feeling: Do I See Myself Retiring Here?
Despite being happy in LA with a good social circle, career, and family life, Bilkish had a persistent question that wouldn't go away.
The Recurring Question
Every 2-3 years when they would travel to India (using those precious 3 weeks of vacation), Bilkish would feel something:
- Everyone else in India had moved on with their lives
- They felt emotionally and mentally "stuck somewhere"
- The question kept coming: "Do I see myself retiring in US?"
- Her answer was always: No
Her husband was very content in the US - he loved the routine and life there. Bilkish was happy too, but that nagging feeling persisted. They kept pushing the decision: "Probably some more years, let's give it some more years."
Once they made the decision together, both became super happy about it and stayed united throughout the process.
⏰ The Triggering Factors in 2025
While the thought had been there for years, specific factors in 2025 made it the right time to act.
The 2022 Near-Decision
Before buying their home in LA, they had actually considered moving back in 2022:
Why They Didn't Move in 2022
- Green card process was about to complete - it had become current
- Then it retrogressed again
- They made a pros and cons list
- Found "a little more cons at that point"
- Weren't ready to come back
- Decided to buy a home and give it a few more years
What Changed in 2025
The Triggering Factors
- Parents' health: In-laws are 70+ years old, can't travel to US anymore. "It's not fair to expect them to come for six long months. Going through that travel can be too much at this age."
- Daughter's age: She was 11, about to go into 6th grade. "It's now or never kind of situation. Either we decide now or we're going to stay for the next 10 years."
- School timing: It was March, school starts in June/July. Decision had to be made immediately.
- Career alignment: Husband's company approved internal transfer.
- Asset building: Financial goals had aligned better than 3 years ago.
💑 Getting Spouse Onboard: The Art of Discussion
One of the most valuable aspects of Bilkish's story is how she navigated getting her initially reluctant husband to agree to the move.
The Approach That Worked
What Bilkish Did Right
- No forcing: She never demanded or forced the decision
- Open discussions: "Now we're in a situation. I feel this way. What do you feel about it?"
- No ultimatums: Never said "I want to move back no matter what" - that would have led to conflicts
- Shared decision: "We will do only if both of us are on board"
- Series of discussions: Not one conversation, but ongoing dialogue over time
What Changed His Mind
Several factors contributed to her husband coming around:
- Love for family: He did it partly out of love for Bilkish and their daughter
- No family in US: They had absolutely no family in the US - a big factor
- Daughter's culture: Discussions about what kind of culture she'd grow up with
- Being around family: The value of having family nearby as they age
- Parents' health: The reality that parents can't travel anymore
The Daughter's Initial Reaction
Their 11-year-old daughter also had moments of resistance:
Handling the Child's Concerns
- She would get emotional at bedtime - "Why are we doing this? Everything is fine here."
- Not too many days, but there were difficult moments
- They explained: "You love to live with your parents. We also want to live with our parents."
- Reassured her that US is always her first home (she's a citizen)
- If she wants to go back for studies, she's free to do that
- It's not a "full stop" for her life in America
📋 Planning the Move in 3 Months
Once the decision was made in March 2025, Bilkish and her family moved remarkably fast. By June, they were in India.
The Step-by-Step Process
Real Estate Planning
They owned two properties - primary home and a rental. Decision: Sell primary home (bigger, more maintenance, more capital), keep rental property as investment. Spoke to trusted realtor about power of attorney since they'd leave before sale completed.
Career Transition
Husband spoke to his company about internal transfer - they approved it. His clients were mostly in the East, so India timing actually worked better. Bilkish's project had just ended, so she planned to be on break until settled.
Telling Friends and Family
Friends were surprised. Parents and family were very supportive and happy - every week they'd ask "How far have you come? What's next?" keeping them on track.
Selling Belongings
Used OfferUp, Facebook Marketplace, and garage sales. Realtor's practical advice: "Don't expect to sell furniture for the price you bought. Sell for dirt cheap and go, otherwise you're going to stay stuck here."
Packing Up
Created piles: sell, donate, or throw. Wrapped up entire life in 8-10 bags. It was about "letting go of memories, letting go of things, letting go of furniture."
The Final Days
Listed house on Friday, flew to India on Sunday. Friends served as power of attorney for the house sale. House sold within about a month and a half.
Key Insight: "Once we made that decision, both of us are like super happy that we made this call and we've been together in this position all throughout."
The Emotional Side
📍 Choosing Chennai and Finding Housing
The location decision was relatively straightforward, but finding the right housing required some creativity.
Why Chennai
The Decision Factors
- Family: Husband's entire family and many relatives live in Chennai
- Roots: Both Bilkish and her husband were born and raised in Chennai - childhood nostalgia
- Daughter's preference: She clearly said "I'm not going to Pune" (where Bilkish's parents live)
- Work flexibility: Husband has office in Bangalore but company allows remote work with occasional travel
They considered Pune because of the IT industry there, but since the move was primarily for the daughter's transition, they went with her preference for Chennai where she'd have cousins and family around.
Finding Housing
Their approach to housing was practical:
The Housing Strategy
- Rent first: Despite wanting to own (they'd always lived in their own home), they decided to rent initially
- School first: Found the school, then looked for housing nearby
- Community help: A friend from DesiReturn community suggested an apartment that wasn't showing up on Google searches
- Connection: That friend's relative was renting in the same apartment, which helped them get in
- Validation: Now glad they rented - "Now we are like, do we even need to buy an apartment at this point?"
👧 Daughter's School and Adjustment
With an 11-year-old, school selection and adjustment were critical concerns. For a detailed comparison of school options, see our guide on choosing the best schools in India for NRI kids.
School Selection
The School Decision
- Initial preference: Looking for Cambridge or IB (like most NRI families)
- School's recommendation: The chosen school had Cambridge and CBSE. They recommended CBSE because Cambridge had "pre-checkpoint exams" (like board exams) starting immediately - too hard to transition into
- Final choice: CBSE for now, with option to switch to Cambridge next year if needed
- Admission timing: Got admission one month after school opened - school was accommodating
The Language Challenge
Languages were a significant concern:
Navigating Languages
| Language | Challenge | Solution |
|---|---|---|
| Hindi (2nd language) | Took Hindi classes in US but India's 6th grade Hindi is "super advanced" | Teachers gave her separate revision sheets with basics while others followed textbook |
| Tamil (3rd language) | No knowledge at all - neither daughter nor parents know Tamil | Neighbor helps with Tamil lessons |
Surprising result: She got full marks in Tamil in her first exam!
What the Daughter Likes
Initial concerns turned into positives:
- Saturday school: She was worried about it - but they don't have school on Saturdays
- Uniforms: Initially didn't like the idea - now likes not having to decide what to wear every day
- Festivals: School celebrated Onam in a grand way - "No way my school in US would do something like that"
- Personality fit: Her personality seems more suited to Indian culture
There are still days when she misses her US friends and talks to them. They're being patient - "That's how it's going to happen. It's expected. When we moved to US, we also had that transition time."
🤝 How DesiReturn Community Helped
Bilkish specifically called out the DesiReturn community as being "very very very helpful" in their journey.
Community Support Areas
- Personal guidance: Reached out to Avinash personally with questions
- Validation: Seeing others making the same decision at similar ages with similar-aged kids (9-11 years) gave courage
- Financial planning: Questions about stocks, 401k, double taxation, remittance tax, when to move money
- Housing connections: Friend from community suggested apartment and connected with relative renting there
- Banking: Opened account with IDFC bank (DesiReturn partner) - "very helpful in setting up accounts"
- General information: Moving stuff, kids' education, logistics
The Power of Community
What made the community valuable wasn't just information - it was seeing others in similar situations:
- Same age group (around 40)
- Same reasons (parents, kids' age)
- Kids of similar ages (9-11 years old)
- Same questions and concerns
Bilkish's Recommendation: "Anybody who is even remotely considering moving to India - when we've told friends, a lot of people have said 'Even we've been thinking of this for so long, good you made this decision.' Then I always suggest them: 'There are these groups that you should surely join - it's going to take off the burden of a lot of things for you.'"
💡 Advice for Others: Don't Overthink
Bilkish's core advice is simple but powerful: once you decide, move fast.
The Main Message
Key Takeaways
Bilkish's Advice Summary
- Both spouses must be onboard: Have discussions, not demands. Never force the decision.
- Timing matters: Parents' health and kids' age are key factors. There's a "now or never" window.
- Don't overthink: If you have even a little bit of itching and both are onboard, make the decision fast and actionize it.
- Keep some US assets: They kept their rental property as investment while selling the primary home.
- Rent first in India: Don't rush to buy. See how everyone adjusts first.
- Sell cheap, move fast: Don't get stuck trying to get full value for furniture and belongings.
- Use community resources: Join groups, ask questions, learn from others who've done it.
The Gratitude Perspective
Despite moving away, Bilkish maintains deep gratitude for her US experience:
The US shaped who they are - independent, accountable, decision-makers. They carry that with them to India.
❓ Frequently Asked Questions
Here are answers to common questions about moving from the US to India with family, based on Bilkish's firsthand experience planning and executing the move in just 3 months.
Planning Your Return from the US?
Bilkish's journey shows that with the right planning and community support, moving back to India after 14 years is absolutely achievable. The key is making the decision together as a family, moving fast once decided, and leveraging community resources for guidance.
Connect with families who have made similar moves and get practical guidance for your return journey.
