Why Move Back to India NOW After 14 Years in US: Bilkish's Family Journey

2:36 >> Got it. And so how was the life in US when you went there to you know like 13 years is a long time so how did it go? Yeah. So initially we were in Phoenix that's where we had moved to Landic and the first year was everything was nice new settling in you know and all of that those things and then slowly my husband as soon as the one good thing that he did was as soon as I landed he gave me the driving license exam manual and I was like hey why at that time I did not have the perspective he's like no no no you need to get going over here for everything. You need a car and you cannot be dependent on me for anything. >> Yeah. >> Now, in hindsight, I know that was perfectly true. The longer you wait to get your license there, the harder your life gets.

3:24 >> So, that kind of made my journey easier because I was able to drive around pretty quickly. probably in a year or so I was I of course I failed exam the driving exams once or twice but then he kept going on and we pushed it and we made it through and I was able to drive pretty quickly and that kind of got me out of my comfort zone and I could make the city mine. >> Yes. you know if you can go to places you want independently the city is never yours and that truly helped me but of course there were the community was smaller compared to Los Angeles California when which we had moved to four years later right we got a home in Phoenix we had our daughter there and then we made a career choice of moving to California and there we had a bigger social setting like you know a lot of lot more Indians with similar mindset and that kind of changed changed things for us and I had started working there as well in IT. So that's when I that's I think I would though Phoenix is where we

4:26 Started off, LA was truly our home because we lived much longer there and we've had great build great memories there. >> Got it. So sounds like I think you

4:36 Know you had good times in LA right now with the social circle like you're enjoying you know your career, family, social circle and everything. So why the thought about moving to India and when did it occur actually? >> So after every 3 four years when we wouldn't travel to India very often like probably after every two three years because that one three week in a year you get those three weeks of vacation. I'm sure you know that right? So you know you have to decide whether you want to go to India or you want to make a holiday trip out of it. So sometimes we would skip India and that would make every two three years of you know trip to India if there's a wedding or something in the family but every time I go back it would feel like everybody else has moved on but we are emotionally mentally you know still stuck somewhere and I would always ask myself okay do I see myself retiring in US and my husband was very content in US he loved the routine the life there and everything even I was happy but you know there was this always nagging feeling

5:37 In my head do I see myself retiring in US my husband could I could not and we kept pushing we were like okay probably some more years let's give it some more years and but it for me it did not change then my husband was finally he was like hey after so many years also if you still have that question then probably I think it's time to you know head back home and you know make that India at the end of the day it's our home so how bad can it be let's give it a fresh new start. So that's how it started. But I think once we made that decision, both of us are like super happy that we made this call and we've been together in this position all throughout. But yeah, I kind of initiated it in the beginning. Yeah, >> I'm the here.

6:23 >> So if I understand, I mean again it's the idea to retire, right? I mean you know feeling belongingness or retire. So why in 2025? I mean why not like wait till the kids grow up or why not sooner and it's been lingering. So just like I think there is some other triggering point or like you know maybe you can explain like why 2025. >> Oh yes. Yes. So sure. So basically my daughter is 11 years old now. So 2022 before we got our bought our home in LA we did make that had that question should we okay because the green card process was about for us we were about to kind of get our green card. It had become current in 2022 and then it retrogressed again. So now we were like okay come on let's just decide if we want to buy a home or should we just go back to India but then we made a pros and cons list and we thought that there were a little more cons at that point and we were not ready to come back to India. So we we were like okay now let's give it a few more years. So we got a home there and my daughter she made amazing friends when we got our home

7:26 Because it's it was all Indian community and now she's 11 years old. So she started making deeper bonds. Okay. And in March of 2025 again when we started discussing this our parents were not feeling there was times ups and downs with the health for my for our parents and we were like okay it's always about okay when do we have should we fly to India now? How will we manage things back in US if one of us goes to India? How many weeks do we have to go for? So those kind of decisions is very hard to make. And then your parents now that they're getting older, they cannot come come to meet you. And it's not fair on them that we expect them to come, you know, for six long months. going through that travel can be too much for them at this age. Like my in-laws are 70 years above. So then and my daughter was about to go into sixth grade. So we were like it's now or never kind of situation happened because it's March.

8:22 By June, July your school starts. So either we decide now that we move on move on or then we're going to stay for the next 10 years. >> Got it. >> So that was the triggering point. Then we started and then I thought that probably are we insane to actually make that decision. We were I was freaked out because now my husband was like okay now let's get started. I was like okay wait you know you always have that thing in your mind are we you're approoing you're taking out your roots and going back. Then I started looking on Instagram and somehow the reals kept coming also for me you know and then I started realizing there are many more people doing these same things. So somehow even though it seemed insane at that time and there are so many people doing the same insanity that it doesn't feel as insane anymore and then like okay there are other people making the same call around the same age for the same reasons >> and the kids are also similar age like 9 10 11 years old. So yeah, so that gave

9:25 Us a lot of courage and lot of support and that's how we started to get things rolling. >> Got it. Cool. I think sounds like it's the you know parents health and you know the kids age kind of made it like yeah it's time for action. you know the thought that's always in the back of

9:43 The mind. maybe there are a couple of things that I want to go back because I'm very curious. you mentioned I think initially your husband was not on board right? you know he was very content with the lifestyle in US and then later kind of is there anything that you can pinpoint or anything that you can talk about what that changed his mind or like is there something influenced from you anything because there are sometimes these situations where one spouse is on boarded the other spouse is not onboarded so any anything that you can share that kind of helped to both of them to come to a similar decision >> I think me probably not forcing him into it and just probably just having discuss discussions and it was not I see I had also not made up my mind completely right it was more about okay what should we do kind of a thing and I I never said okay no I want to move back to India no matter what when that happens then it kind of leads into conflicts but that was not the point I was like okay now we're in a situation I feel this way what do you feel about it >> and then talk about it and then and then

10:43 He was like >> he's more and he probably he also did it out of the love for me and my daughter and he knows that we our family and another big reason is we have no family in US at all. M >> so probably those things kind of push you to you know and like how when our daughter grows up what kind of culture she's going of course in US also provides a lot of good culture if you choose to go to the temple to meet friends with similar backgrounds but being around family the learning is much different >> right so there was no as such one trigger point there was there was a series of discussions that happened >> and I of told him this we will do only if both of us are on board. It's not like you know and parents health and wanting to spend more time with parents was surely one of the topmost priority for us.

11:37 >> I feel like 20 to 40 is a good time to go out in the world and make money, make a career out of yourself. 40 is a good time to come back. For us, it doesn't have to apply to everybody. For us I thought we had to just go back home and you know >> got it >> and other things were like where we were not getting time for ourselves where we do everything by ourselves over there and you know you have very little moments of spending time together and here you have now there's no I have lot of help here family household help and everything so now we do what we truly have been wanting to do for all these years. Yeah, makes sense. And I think you know there is one point I think you mentioned I think he was considerate because you still have that opinion of like consideration of going back to so he was like you know giving a thought and trying to considerate from other point of view. So the other point

12:30 That you mentioned was the pros and cons. I think when you evaluated in 2022 the pros were more stronger to stay in US right. I think maybe it kind of tilted in 2025. Maybe you can talk through that a little bit. Is that the mainly the parents or is there any other points that kind of change some of the dynamics different in terms of what >> in our career was one the asset building was the other one right and the parents of course was the first like I told you that was a top priority but these two also had aligned at in 2025 more to the place where we wanted than it was 3 years ago >> got it makes sense so let's talk about

13:11 It I think so sounds like you thought about making this move in 2025 early 2025. >> Yes. >> March or you know so within 3 months you made the move like it's like you know go time immediately and you know which is interesting. So maybe you can talk about your planning like you know once you thought and made a decision how did you go about it career planning you know we can go through the different parts of it but maybe you can talk like overall like how do you plan the move? >> Yeah sure. So basically first was we we own the home right so first was like okay >> let's be practical the we may not be able to stay here while the home is being sold so we'll have to assign powers of attorney we spoke to our realtor he gave us different scenarios how we could do it right and we had a trust we have a trusted realtor who we worked through the years so that really helped us and then the next was okay about careers how are we going to shift to that so my project had just

14:12 Ended at that time. So I had thought okay I'll be on a break till we move and settle down with my daughter. Yeah. >> And my husband he did it for him. It was an internal transfer which worked out. We that's what so as one and each and every step kept getting you know sorted out we we became even more sure about the decision >> that made. So then when he spoke to you know in his company they were fine with doing an internal transfer and then we got an power of attorney assigned. So these things started to happen and then slowly we started to you know start selling our furniture and so these things started to happen then we told our friends about it they were also very surprised. Now we knew that we just had like two months to do all of this, right? So yeah, we so we took it step by step. We spoke to our realtor. We we wanted to know what are the steps and all. Then we spoke in the company and then we wanted to understand how how are green cards or any see because you always I'm sure a lot of people would relate to this. There's always this thinking what if it doesn't work out?

15:14 >> Is it going to come back? Especially when you're in US in that mindset you are always worried how things in India would be. So we were like okay how would our visa processes be is there a way to come back and all of those things. Once those things got clarified then we became even then we told our parents our family they were very supportive they were very happy in fact every week they would keep asking how was how far have you come along what's next what's next so they were keeping us on track for that and then we started selling our furniture and things started to become real now there's no going back >> our friends and then we had lot of you know these I'm sure you know there are these websites in US called offer up >> yes >> book marketplace. And we see our realtor was very practical. He told us literally don't expect to sell your furniture for the price you bought. Yes.

16:05 >> For half the price. Just if you have made the choice then just give it for dirt cheap and go otherwise you're going to stay stuck here. So that's what we did. And then >> please we had a lot of friends help also. We had couple of friends who used to help us in and out you know with a lot of things. So that surely made a lot of difference. Our neighbor was an Indian right. So they were a huge help for us. we had garage sales. So all those things together you know it kind of catapulted into help moving us faster out of US. >> Got it. So how did you choose the place

16:40 Where you want to live in India? Like I know you mentioned about I think you know parents that's the main driving factor but also you mentioned about internal transfer. Was that like you know aligned in terms of the place where Yeah. So you can talk about it. So basically my in-laws and lot of my family relatives live in Chennai because both of us were born and brought up in Chennai and that's very very familiar for us our childhood nostalgia everything is here but my parents are in a different city they're in Pune they ship shuffle between Pune Delhi Pune and Mumbai so we were just thinking should it be Pune in terms because it is very rich over there right >> or should it be Chennai but my daughter she had clearly told that I'm not going to Pune. So, so that kind of made our decision easier because that's since we were this is something moving to India was something that she didn't really take it easy initially. We thought okay let's make the transition easier. Let's go to the place she's wanting to go. So that kind of help us

17:40 Made our decision also. So we were like we were anyways leaning towards Chennai only more. So we have relatives everybody. So there are people always coming over. So she knows this is family. So that's how we made our move to Chennai. >> Got it. And your husband's >> family is also like the whole entire family is in Chennai. >> Okay. What I'm asking is like maybe their his office like because he took an internal transfer so he has an office here in >> he has an office in Bangalore but they were okay to but he of course he travels to Bangalore sometimes but that's totally fine with him because it's not too far. So >> yeah got it. So let's talk about the

18:19 Kid. I think you mentioned initially you know maybe it wasn't taken well and also mentioned I think she had made good friends in the community. so how did it go with the kid and you know how did you like adapt her or like you know make her comfortable yeah with the movie >> there were some times when she would go to sleep that's when she would be in her emotional self right those times she there were not too many days but there were days when she would not be comfortable with the idea and she would be like why are we doing this everything is fine here why are we disturbing the balance you know all of those things but then we were See you love to live with your parents. We also want to live with our parents. So but as soon as she came here her cousins were here and so she immediately moved. I wouldn't say she she didn't move on. I wouldn't say that but she transitioned a little easily because she had family her cousins here. But there are days even now sometimes that she

19:19 Misses her friends in US. She talks to them and everything. We make sure that she's in touch with them. >> Yeah. But there are days when she misses them and we we giving it time. >> We we are being super patient and it's okay. I mean that's that's what that's how it's going to happen. It's expected. When we moved to US, we also had that transition time. All of us. We missed our family. We missed our friends here, right? So it's the same thing for her. And we and we also told her that US is always going to be her first home because she's a citizen. If she ever wants to go back to study there, she's totally free to do that. then probably we'll also you know keep going there if needed. So kind of gave her the thing that it's not like a full stop for her life in America. >> So that would have probably helped.

20:04 >> Got it. Then switching gears a little bit on the financial side. I think you kind of touched about the house, right? So have you considered renting it out or just like you wanted to sell it after moving? So maybe the thought process behind it. you know you mentioned about GPA. So I'm assuming I think you plan to sell but I think again you know the timing of selling and yeah if there's anything that you can talk expand on it. >> We had a rental property already and we also own the primary home. So after some discussions with each other and thinking this through, we thought we will keep the rental property as is and the primary home because it's much bigger and there's more capital involved in that and the maintenance of a bigger property is always much more expensive especially when you're earning in rupees right and when you have to spend in dollars. So even though you rent you're renting it out you still have to take care of the maintenance and upkeep of the house.

20:57 >> So and we already own and rental property. So we know what kind of work goes into owning a you know taking care of a house. So that's how we thought okay let's just get done with one and we will keep the other one as an investment thing and because I think probably within a month or month and a half we were able to sell the house. I we were nervous because of the way the market was. >> But I think we had a good realtor. So yeah, that show because we we just listed our house literally on like Friday and then we moved from US on Sunday. >> Okay. So pretty much. >> Yeah. So so everything he took care of after that. So we've been doing everything from here only. >> Having friends as power of attorney really was helpful. So yeah.

21:47 >> Got it. Anything on the financial planning side that you wanted to mention or Yeah. >> Yeah. was those thinking those discussions also happened in that aspect. Di return community shwi was very very very helpful and I have asked questions about these things. So like opening bank accounts over here NRE these terms were all unheard of for us RN and all of those things but being part of a community for sure teaches you a lot of things new things and anybody who is even remotely considered moving to India like when we've told friends a lot of people have told okay even we've been thinking of this for so long good you made this decision we're very happy for you and then they're like probably in the next two three years even we are planning to work so then I always suggest them hey you know there are these groups that you should surely join that's going to be it's going to take off the burden of a lot of things for you so whether it comes about financial planning about

22:49 Moving your stuff from US to India or whether kids education or anything a lot of my questions were answered there so for financials for example I had questions about what to do about stocks the ones that we have in US do we move it now how is there a way that I don't have to pay double taxation or how do I save on the max money right those kind of questions are answered related to 401k do we keep it do we take it the house that we've sold the money from there do we take it do we leave it all of those things about remittance tax that was a part of discussion few months ago so should we move the money right away or should we wait for another year all those kind of things were kind of answered for us from those groups and then we did a little bit of research because everybody's situation is different.

23:38 So yeah, so that's what we did and of course we opened a account in IDFC bank who has collaborated with Di return and they have actually been very helpful in you know setting us up in our accounts. So yeah. >> Okay, great. I mean glad to hear that the return community platform has helped with your journey and it was useful for getting your questions answered. So glad to hear that. so how is the life

24:04 In India now? I think it's been few months. So, how how is it going? >> so it's been initially the first week was overwhelming right because traffic the heat and we were living with my husband's brother for probably three three weeks I'm thinking. So so we were just hunting for places. We had looked actually we had circled down a lot of homes. In fact, another way the community helped me was I found I made a friend through the community and her parents were living in an apartment and she suggested hey why don't you look up that apartment otherwise it never came up on Google when we were looking we only could come up with see the big big builders.

24:50 >> So when I you know took up that offer and she was like my relative is renting a place in that same apartment. Why don't you take a look? So I was like okay fine. And then you know I kind of told her hey let's I want to come and take a look you know in person and then I want to finalize but I really like the apartment. So those kind of things also happened and we came here and then we saw the location. We hunted three four places to live school we wanted to find the right school. My daughter had already made her choice which school she wanted to. So that was helpful and we got admission in that school because it was one month after we after the school opens but they were nice enough to let her in and so now the thing was we had to find around the school right yes so had three four places sorted out and we just saw like two three apartments and then we finalized the one that my friend had suggested and we are right now renting we we've not got a home because now I understand because a lot of people when I was in US they suggested people in India specific hey first come take a look see how you guys adjust to

25:51 It, see how your daughter adjust to it and only then make a call. So, I'm glad to listen to them. we were like, hey, we've been living in our own home. We want to move into a home that is ours. We don't want to downgrade our lifestyle and all of that sort. But I'm glad we rented our home. Now we know what what are the things to look out for and you know should now we are like okay do we even need want to buy an apartment at this point where we started asking that now. >> Got it. And then which curriculum did

26:19 Your daughter join and how was about you know her transition especially on the languages and the new friends social life. Yeah. >> So we were looking for Cambridge and IB just like everybody else knowing from there the school that we had opted for her had Cambridge and CBSC. So when we went in there then they suggested that hey you know what as soon as she gets into the school the exams are going to start for her. So Cambridge in Cambridge. So they have this thing called pre-checkpoint exams or something. It's like a board exam and she's going to find it very hard to transition. So why don't we just move her to CBSC for now? Next year if she thinks CBSC is too hard or she's not able to manage then we can move her into Cambridge for sure. So then we went with CBSC for now. And she has her second language is Hindi and her third language is Tamil. Sec Hindi we used to take her to Hindi classes at our you know chala in in US but those that was basic

27:21 Hindi here as soon as she came sixth and Hindi is like super advanced so initially she was overwhelmed but the teachers in that school are very very nice I have to say that they've been very understanding and they try to make it easy as simple as possible for her very nice to her so and the third language is Tamil So Tamil she has no idea about at all and neither do my husband or I. So then we have a neighbor who helps us you know with her Tamil. So in fact for the first exam she got full marks in Tamil. >> Really? That's very interesting. >> Unheard of. >> So I was like I was literally showing her marks to my parents and her like they were like oh wow that's amazing.

28:10 They're super proud. But yeah, so that that was an interesting thing that happened. But her f but her transition from one school to the next has been great actually. The only thing she was worried about if hey will they have schools on Saturdays? I was not sure but they don't have school on Saturdays. So that's a good thing. And she was concerned hey they have uniforms here. why don't I get to wear clothes? But now she actually likes that that she doesn't have to think what to wear every day. She just goes and picks out. So she likes those things a lot. And then recently they celebrated owning her school in a very nice grand way. So they had a lot of fun. So she's like no way my school in US would do something like that you know. So those things she's kind of drawing comparisons and she's really liking it. I think her personality is also more suited to Indian culture and things. So I think she likes it likes these things.

29:04 >> That's fantastic. so how about your husband in terms of the work life? I mean that's another thing that you know people have concerns on a career side. is there anything that you can share? Yeah, >> he's he's been able to you know manage and balance well. He's been able to do that because he he was his clients were mostly in east. So in fact India is probably better suited for eastbased clients. Yeah. in his in his scenario and yeah so he he works in the daytime you know he finishes his assignments and tasks and in in the evenings they have mostly meetings and all of those things so he's able to balance it well he's not had any trouble in touch with work as such because he has team in India also so >> got it yes

29:56 Are there any other challenges you know during this transition after living like 14 years, 13 years in US. So yeah, >> the biggest was of course moving and like okay now one discussion that we had was do we want to ship our furniture for example that was one of the biggest discussions we had or do we want to like just wrap up in like six to eight boxes and leave because taking the furniture then you don't have to shop for anything here you just settle but there are some cons to it as well right the furniture may be damaged it may be costly to move and then it may not be suited to the layout of the house you're going into And yeah and furniture in India is also as probably better sometimes in some cases to us. That's what I feel right. So we discussed with our parents we discussed with some friends and the community and a lot of people had shipped right depending on their situation but we thought probably you should sell off everything. Yeah.

30:55 >> And we had probably eight to 10 bags and we wrapped up our life in just that much. We we decided we either throw sell donate or so we literally had piles for that and we it was and you have probably it's about letting go of a lot of things letting go of the memories letting go of your things letting go of your furniture and but of course a part of us is always going to be there in us we're very grateful for the life it provided us that's where we built our life and that's what has evolved us into a personality that is that we are proud of and grateful for. So probably if we were living in India, we would be totally different individuals now. But I'm very happy the way we are right now. And that's what US has built us into. We have become our own decision makers. We whatever it is, good or bad, we are accountable for it and we happy with it. So >> yeah,

31:54 >> makes sense. Cool. is there anything that we haven't covered that you want to bring up or any advice for the future aspirants? >> So I don't know if it's an advice such just that I would say that for us what helped us what once we decided we started moving fast into it. sometimes when I because I feel like once you sit and think too much overink could overthinking could be an issue or trouble in this case because it's such a huge decision you could get cold feet and move out you know back out of the plan and if that time passes then you then you just while away your time and just see in a in an instant 10 years pass by. So, so if you've if you have even a little bit of itching or if you both are on board, I would say just make that decision fast and actionize it as soon as possible.

32:49 >> That's my only that's I think that's what helped us. That's what I say would help everybody else also. >> No. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. yeah, I think it was fantastic to hear your journey you know how you and your spouse has planned and you know made the transition and within 3 months you made the move. So good luck with everything and thanks again for sharing your story and insights with us today. >> Thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate your time. Bye-bye. Thanks for coming here.